[visalissa]

At this point in my life i really dont want to express how i feel, because i know noone will understand. But im sooo tired of crying.tired of feeling alone. tired of not being about to find help. for i know no amount of help will really understand. And i dont have the money for visits. or meds. My heart aches constantly. It gets so bad that it hurts all over. including my stomach.and every day i have this terrible burning disire to feel pain.Not internal pain like my stoamch hurting, but pain that i cause myself. Sometimes i want to scream for no reason.But i know it wont help. What bothers me alot more is the fact that i let it get this bad. And im always saying that its all my fault my marriage went bad. but has never really given a reason. But honestly my reason is because I cant make MYSELF happy.So what makes other people think i can even handle keeping my marriage strong. I never admitted that... because like i said. noone will ever understand. Sometimes i think i cant do "this" anymore, because of that reason. i dont want to be included in a family i dont deserve. I cant even smile because it hurts. I dont even have the want to talk abou it with the people who surround me. they r always saying "cheer up" or "stop being depressed". they dont understand i CANT help it. its not my fault. this buggs ma ALOT. One last thing i quit wearing this "mask" just to try to be happy on my own and not fake it. But i cant anymore. I just cant be happy and i cant get over this depression. I think ill go back to the way everyone expects me to be.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. Of course I'm not a doctor, but it SOUNDS like you're suffering from the illness of Depression. And Depression is an awful illness -- it effects everything -- our mind, body, spirit. You are right too -- we can't make people understand if they have never suffered from depression themselves.

Since you cannot afford to see a therapist, can you at least see your medical doctor? He CAN help you. He can put you on an antidepressant, and if you cannot afford the medications perhaps he can give you samples --- plus there are organizations who HELP people who can't afford their medical prescriptions. I'll look them up for you, and let you know what they are. I should have done that previously, but I wasn't thinking (as usual). So please see your doctor, and get the help you need! You do NOT have to suffer like this! It's your choice sweetie. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[Leed]

Here are a couple of addys for prescription help:

WWW.myrxadvocate.com

www.pfizer.com

These both have programs that help with paying for prescriptions, or else pay entirely for the drugs. I hope you find what you need. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[visalissa]

Thank you... i have had depression for a long time. I dont have a medical docter. they r all sooo expensive. But i will look up those site your gave me and give it a shot. but to be honest i dont think im able to be the person i was. i just cant be happy even tho i know i should be. I really appreciate the response. thank you and God bless you also

[dailyhealing]

Hello Visalissa, I'm sorry you are hurting so much. My experience is that while many people do not understand there are people who do. I certainly understand what you are saying, and I have felt much of what you shared about. And when I am depressed there is nothing that I find less helpful than someone saying "cheer up" or "stop being depressed". There's an assumption there that we have some kind of power over this illness. We can't stop being depressed any more than someone could stop having cancer. I do hope those websites Lee put up for you provide you with some way to get some help. Depression is very treatable, and if not treated can be very damaging. I wish you well and thanks for sharing this on here.

[visalissa]

i checked them out and wrote to one of the ppl on the second site they havet wrote me back. so im waiting for a reply befor i make a decision. thanks for the suport.