[MargoMay32]

Whenever I get "told" don't do that, don't touch that, I feel like I'm 6 again and I'm being screamed at. It literally makes me feel terrorfied of the person who is "telling" me off.

I had this happen with a roommate of mine when I opened her wine without asking her, I mean I acknowledged that I went wrong there, but now...I can't even be in the same room as her because I fear that she hates me. I feel like I'm 6 and my mother just caught me shoving sticks in the garbage disposal. And when this happens I feel so much overwhelming emotions of grief, anger, denial, sadness and paranoia that I shut down. I go to the bathroom and I turn the water on so to drowned out the voices that echo all this in my head.

I know she can't hate me over that, but I feel it so much that I absolutely believe it to be the truth. Right now she's down there with my other two roommates watching Conan and I can't even physically go down there for fear of feeling her hatred; (may it be reality or not.)

How would you cope with these emotions that come flooding when I get "told" by someone I personally know?

[CandleGlow]

Hi MargoMay
Nice to meet you here
I know that feeling, being a sensitive person is hell at times!

[jelly-bean]

Have you thought about buying her a new bottle of the wine that you opened. I don't know what it will do for her, but it might make you feel better that you replaced the item in question. Talk to her about how you feel when you give the new bottle to her. Maybe then she can reassure you that she does not hate you.

[Leed]

I agree with Jelly-bean. I think once you replace the bottle of wine, you won't feel so sensitive about it. You can just say something like "I'm sorry I opened your bottle of wine" and let it go at that. Then the issue can be closed and you shouldn't feel so bad. I'm SURE she doesn't hate you and I'm also sure that she WON'T expect you to buy another bottle of wine! She will tell you that it was NO BIG DEAL, and be very nice about it. So don't worry.

I can be very sensitive too, must to my dismay. I think as I've gotten older, I've gotten more thick-skinned for which I'm glad. I'm sure you will too sweetie. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[MargoMay32]

I could do that but she's 20 and I really don't believe in giving alcohol to minors even if it was originally theirs. I'm not the one who's going to go to jail for it. So maybe I'll try and face my fear and apologize to her...but she really does scare the crap out if me.

[Trippin2.0]

Firstly, you need to... Nah just playing, I'm not mean, and you dont know me, and you may think I'm being *****y instead of humerous...

my advice is, you need to learn that as an adult, being reprimanded, or rectified is not a personal attack on you as a person or an attack on your character... You have to seperate the word 'criticism' from 'attack'. People will tell you when you've crossed a boundary, or simply did or said something that they either dont appreciate, or didnt agree with. And this is OK...

[Trippin2.0]

Sorry for multi-post, my phones stupid:
Learning other's boundaries is ok, bcoz it teaches you how to get along with them, and may even teach you how to enforce your own... You aren't a little girl anymore, so you are not being scolded. Its important that you make an effort to learn the difference... And Lee is right, time does provide some extra layers of skin to protect us, but in the interim, try reminding yourself that people are not attacking you, you dont need to go into defense/hide mode.

[Trippin2.0]

Last 1: it does take some practice, but if you keep at it, its achievable... Its a lesson I had to teach myself cos I was in tears for being 'scolded' by peers and bosses more times than I'd like to admit but these days, I can tell the difference between a blatant attack and criticism eazy peazy hope you and your roomie have made up already

[MargoMay32]

When its not a personal person I know I'm pretty good at being calm, but when it is someone like that it just feels so...so...hard to look at them again.

[Trippin2.0]

What makes it so hard to face them? Do you feel guilt, shame, anger, or all of the above? You admitted that you logically know she doesnt hate you, so what is this feeling behind not being able to face them?

[MargoMay32]

I guess that I LIVE with her, she isn't going to be around one, two, or three times a week but all the time and that she hasn't said a word to me since it all. She gave me the "I can't believe I have to say this..." opening when she started the lecture.

[Trippin2.0]

The longer you choose to avoid her, the more weird and awkward you allow this to get... You are leaving room for all kinds of misinterpretations by avoiding her... She could be thinking she did something wrong, you hate her, or you're weeeeird... And a host of other things. You get the gist. Talk to her, she wont bite.