Not understanding your own emotions?

For quite a while I've wondered how I'm doing, when people ask how I am I have an automatic response of "I'm okay", which nobody questions. Really though I don't know if I am okay. A lot of the time I don't think I even feel anything at all emotionally, sometimes I feel things but they are just a shell of emotion rather than something more true...

Sometimes my family ask why I'm so 'miserable' or 'cold' and I'm not miserable, I don't think, I'm not anything. Things have been bad recently in terms of events and I don't understand why I'm like this, I don't seem to understand love or happiness or sadness anymore, but I've never been angry or annoyed with anyone besides myself before I felt this 'numb' I suppose. Does anybody know what can cause this, I'm a teenager (16) so people just say it's my hormones.

In the past I had to see a psychiatrist, my parents didn't know because we aren't close, and nobody I knew, knew about it. But they didn't know completely what was wrong, they didn't know the whole story because I couldn't trust them so it's my fault, I told them about things I heard and saw (and still do) that nobody else seemed to believe, but then didn't tell them everything because I was scared about how they'd react. Maybe these things are all related, I don't know though, does anybody have any ideas? Oh, these things usually affect my sleep too, sorry it seems like I'm putting this in forcefully here, any help would be appreciated, I posted yesterday so maybe that is relevant too

The teenage years are probably the most difficult years you'l spend in your whole life. I would NEVER go back to those years if someone paid me a million bucks. It was absolutely miserable. I should have been in therapy back then -- maybe I wouldn't have been so screwed up the rest of my life.

Do you have a counselor in school that you can talk to? Most schools have one. I suggest talking with your counselor. Tell your counselor everything and see what he/she says or advises. They may perhaps have to talk to your parents if they feel that further therapy is needed. If so, hopefully your parents will schedule you with a good psychiatrist that deals with teenagers alot cause you really should be seen by someone. Or, perhaps the school counselor will be enough. It's hard to say right now. Only time will tell.

So see how it goes with the school counselor, ok? And let us know what happens. We'd really like to know. Let ME know too -- cause I really care! God bless & take care my friend. Hugs, Lee

I think at college there is means of support but I really don't feel comfortable talking to somebody that I don't know like that, I don't really talk to anybody at college at all, I don't fit in very well so I just try not to disturb anyone. I'm sorry to see so awkward and opposive, I don't talk to my parents about things like this either, we have never ever been close, and it makes me seem a bad person but it's true, I don't feel comfortable talking to a psychiatrist either, I just don't know what to do, I don't really know anybody honesty, so there isn't anybody to talk to, but I'm not sure what to do, sorry Lee

I looked at your profile and your primary concern is schizophrenia and I'm assuming your DX. With schizophrenia, there is something known as the "flat effect" or "blunted affect" which a person shows little to no emotional expression and their reactivity to emotions isn't as intense compared to your normal folk.. I'm not saying all people with schizophrenia have that but that is something that is symptomatic of schizophrenia.

Thank you for the information Sorry I'm not sure what you meant by "I'm assuming you're DX" ? When I saw the psychiatrists they mentioned schizophrenia sometimes but never diagnosed me with anything because they said they had a lot to consider

No problem, DX is short for diagnosis.
It's something to look at for the meantime, it might be the answer to your inwardly expressions.

I wonder if maybe I'm just over-exaggerating everything, and maybe it's not as bad as it seems, if that makes sense? I really don't want to make people think badly of me, I did look up some things the other day though after sitting on the bus because I thought something and thought it was bad so I told myself not to think it because I was scared that the girl next to me knew what I was thinking, and when I looked that up it all came back to the same thing too :S

Over-exaggeration can be a possibility and yes, that does make sense.

You say you didn't tell your parents "the whole story". Did you tell the psychiatrist? Whatever has happened or is happening, I think it's important to tell someone the whole story. And yes I do think all the things you mentioned are related - just because things that disturb us usually are connected.

If you can't find a counselor or talk to someone in person, maybe you can tell your story somewhere online?

I'm sorry, I meant I didn't tell my parents any of anything, we really aren't close at all, I seem like a bad child for saying so but we have never been close, I have siblings that seem closer so maybe it's just me, I don't know though, I couldn't tell the psychiatrist because I couldn't trust him either, so I messed things up there too, I'm not sure, I feel in a way like I shouldn't have posted this