[Mindinpieces]

I moved this to here as I maybe should have put here in first place

Many things have happened and yet one by one I throw away the chances and opportunities that I desperately prayed for and once again I am stuck with the infectious, negative and horrible excuse that I am.

However this time it's different I have honestly burned myself out and I can't even physically harm myself in any way, even that is too much effort, before I could at least harm myself to feel something but for some reason all I can do now is just sit there and hope I just fade away into nothing. I know hurting yourself is never a good thing to do but I am worried that I can't even do that because I feel beyond that in a very bad way it's like my mind has rejected my body right in front of my eyes and that the thought of feeling like a shadow of a person is slowing coming true.

I feel very sad and lost and I don't know where or when I really lost myself but I am scared that I can never be a kind or caring and content person.

[Mindinpieces]

So now I am boarding on walking head first into a brick wall metaphorically but life has got to the point where what does it matter have nothing to lose except I don't want to end my life yet I can't ralley round to live it or sort it out.... is this what being human is about or is it more just an individual thing?

I always thought the not knowing what happens next was the best part but now I would rather know my reality even if it means stuck in a place you hate faceing every day at least I know where I am and what I am doing but chances are I lost myself chance of knowing a long time ago and can probably nnever regain that secruity that I now long for so much

[gma45]

I wish I had some comforting words that would help, sorry I do not. Just know you are not alone with those feelings, I feel like a big blob of nothing right now myself! Hopefully someone reading this will have some ideas for us both. I wish you well my friend.