[keepingalice]

what I am feeling today. (and just in case this post could trigger someone into feeling bad, I was cautious and marked it "beware".) But then again, do I really want to know? I am angry (at parents), sad (crying even) elated (my daughter was nominated to speak at her college graduation) jealous of her and the opportunities she had that I didn't, afraid of going to work today even though I have to face some very important things in my life...okay so I can pinpoint certain emotions, but there are rumblings inside of me and I know my top is going to blow...at someone! Im stepping out of my comfort to post this...I know I am going to hate myself but out of some robotic movement I am following my therapists advice to seek out others for encouragement and advice. I just want to hide. But deep inside I also don't want to be trapped in this game my head is playing. (Scream!) I am totally messed up, aren't I? I have been on this rollercoaster for four years...someone pull the plug on this ride...please! My children and husband are the only things this life gives me that keeps me holding on! take care everyone! and I will too, for their sake okay, that makes me happy! (screaming inside as I submit new thread...

[shezbut]

(((keepingalice)))

You did say that you're angry with your parents, but you didn't say why. Is it due to you not having the help from them (to go to university), whereas you've provided that for your daughter??

That's what your post sounds like to me ~ which would explain the sadness and anger. It is sad that your parents didn't choose to pay for you to go to university. It would have been nice if they had! It's okay to feel some anger about that. A bit of jealousy, that makes sense.

If these dark emotions are overwhelming you and taking the place of the pride that you feel for your daughter's achievements, than you ought to remind yourself of what you and your husband have been willing and able to to for your daughter. Being able to do that is becoming more unusual. That's something else to be proud of.

If your daughter's education was paid for by her or by scholarship/s, than that's even more reason to be proud of her accomplishments!

So, try not to focus on the your history right now. Instead, focus on feeling proud of what your wonderful daughter has achieved. Hopefully, your other children will happily follow her move to college as well.

very best wishes to you!