[yeliab12]

Hello, I'm very new to this forum. I'm Bailey. Young and live in the US.

I have major trust issues and lack self-confidence. I've been in a relationship for about 1 and 1/2 years, just after being in a scarring relationship. I was emotionally abused and sexually assaulted for a year, almost physically abused as well. That has made an impact on my current relationship if you couldn't have guessed.

Prior to that, while growing up I always had a feeling that I was being deceived by my father. 1. He was never home, so no father figure. 2. I felt that he was cheating on my mother. He was for 8 years before they finally divorced. 8 out of 20 years. Ouch. I knew I was right. So I guess I was brought up to never trust anyone, even family. I'm torn because I also dislike my mother. Let's just sum it up as I'm her emotional punching bag. So when I feel like I have to choose sides (as a natural reaction to the situation) I look at my dad as being the hero who can get me out of this hell-house, yet I don't trust the man. Do I stay with this permanently damaged soul, known as my mother?

This also affects me. All this emotion is whirled up in my mind all day, along with the current relationship I'm in. Every little this is construed. Every little thing matters. I'm just a big ball of emotion. I know the problem, I just don't know how to solve it. :/

Thank you for your time.

[lynn P.]

(((yeliab12))) - I can certainly see where this lack of trust and self doubt comes from. Do you have access to get some counseling, since this would help the most. So sorry for your family experience and the abusive relationship. Therapy will teach you healthier relationship patterns so you're not filled with self doubt.

How old are you and you still live with your mom? Best thing for you to do is - make sure you finish your education or take additional training so you can be independent and never taken advantage of. The best person for you to depend on is yourself and a partner is a bonus. I hope it gets better for you.

[Perna]

A lot of bad background and experience can be helped with a different background and experiences. It's important to remember bad experiences but to realize they are only experiences and not "you" and that there are other types of experiences out there.

As Lynn suggests, I would try to get all the education you want and get yourself in a position to be more on your own so you can get away from the difficult family life. If this relationship you have been in for a year and a half has not been a bad one, see if you can trust it and the other person enough to help you get away from your unhealthy family life and more on your own.

[Leed]

I agree with the previous posters. If you're still in school, concentrate on your education, and also get as much education as you can. It will be most helpful iin the future.

As for your mother, I know she is difficult. but try to remember what she has been thru. Your father has treated her very badly -- and she is very hurt and ashamed. She should NOT take it out on you, but I'm sure she doesn't realize that she's doing it. She's just very hurt -- she's damaged inside and she can't believe that the man she married would do such a thing to her. I feel very sorry for her. Try to be kind to her -- I know it will be difficult since she's not been so nice to you, but try. She probably needs you more than your Dad but the choice is yours. Don't stay out of feeling "obligated."

As for your father, he's acted badly. But this whole thing is really between your Mom and Dad. It really doesn't have anything to do with you. They both love you deeply --- you of course didn't cause any of it which I'm sure you know. If you think you would be happier with your father, then of course live with him.

Try not to judge all people by the actions of your parents. Most people can be trusted, but of course there's always a few that you can't. People in general are good.

You don't say how old you are, but if your relationship has been good, and you trust your partner, that is of course a bonus, like Lynn said.

I wish you the very best. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[yeliab12]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

(((yeliab12))) - I can certainly see where this lack of trust and self doubt comes from. Do you have access to get some counseling, since this would help the most. So sorry for your family experience and the abusive relationship. Therapy will teach you healthier relationship patterns so you're not filled with self doubt.

How old are you and you still live with your mom? Best thing for you to do is - make sure you finish your education or take additional training so you can be independent and never taken advantage of. The best person for you to depend on is yourself and a partner is a bonus. I hope it gets better for you.

I'm 18 and this is my last semester of high school. I have a counselor that I talk to, but I feel like I'm talking to myself and I really don't get feed back from her. We built more of a friendship than me being a patient. haha! I'm not complaining, but I go to her for advice and she talks about her issues too.

I honestly feel that counseling isn't helping me much. That's why I'm on this forum. I feel like relating to others will probably bring back the self-confidence and trust because we're all working together here it seems!

I take my education very seriously. I'm in an additional course for Law Enforcement/Criminal Justice. I've already started prepping for my career as a K9 instructor for working dogs. I started an internship weeks ago, and I'm already talking to the main K9 instructor about training me for my career.

Thank you all for your support!

[GirlOfManyFaces]

It does help to relate to people. I too take my school and career very seriously. And living in a not very stable home is hard to grow up in. Dad never there, when he is he's abusive. Not understanding mom who cries to me with her issues every 5 mins. I understand how you feel right now. You just have to keep your head up and look towards YOUR future. You can do whatever you want with it. And it doesn't have to include either of your parents if you don't want it to. Message me if you need to talk. Best wishes