love and compassion

Nov 04, 2012, 03:15 PM

I'm bothered sometimes about my capacity for love. Sometimes I think I feel great depths of love and sometimes I'm not so sure.
I do have a great depth of compassion and sometimes I wonder if I mistake that for love. I think one of the worst forms of hell would be the inability to love or to have a diminished capacity to love. Any thoughts or ideas about this?

Anika. · Nov 05, 2012, 03:04 AM

Yes, and the inability to feel love, empathy, compassion I too think would be an awful way to have a human experience here. Compassion, empathy.. the ability to think about our thoughts and feelings, AND the ability to think about the thoughts and feelings of others is part of what sets human consciousness apart ( so "I" think, and we would not know). To me it is much an experience, one that I am lucky to get to be part of.

I do feel great depths of love, and compassion, tho they can waver. They are fluid, changing, growing, receding, not constant. I think that's ok. Well it's ok with me, so that's all I ask for.

Maybe you could give a little more info, why do you think you are confusing one for the other ? What makes you feel that ?

I am curious, interesting topic. No idea if that helped at all, just thinking about it.

Nov 07, 2012, 10:19 PM

Hi Anika

I've been meaning to get back to this but not sure where to go with it.
I like what you said. I guess it may be hard for me because while love is always part of compassion, compassion doesn't always seem to be part of love.
Do you have any thoughts on why they aren't constant?

Anika. · Nov 07, 2012, 11:35 PM

Maybe is fluctuates according to our level of acceptance, of the loved person or thing. Maybe it fluctuates when our own self esteem does, or certainty? Looking at myself, I can see where that happens sometimes. Probably happens other times, and I just don't think about it.

I think maybe I think of it in reverse to what you said, compassion is part of love, and love is not always part of compassion. I can feel for someone's suffering, with out extending love. Maybe depending on the things I mentioned above, at least in part. But I cannot love without extending compassion, which is basically empathy. To me compassion is just one ingredient in love, but an important one.

Maybe it just has something to do with conditional love? I think we all like the idea for the most part of unconditional love, I am not sure tho if that is the way the human mind operates naturally.

Inedible · Nov 07, 2012, 11:53 PM

Personally I chose not to worry about love and compassion and just put my focus on awareness. You can't really measure love or compassion but you can determine if you are letting the same things get to you less frequently, or if you are catching yourself sooner. Love and compassion aren't really things to develop, anyway; you uncover them.

Nov 08, 2012, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anika.

Maybe is fluctuates according to our level of acceptance, of the loved person or thing. Maybe it fluctuates when our own self esteem does, or certainty? Looking at myself, I can see where that happens sometimes. Probably happens other times, and I just don't think about it.

I think maybe I think of it in reverse to what you said, compassion is part of love, and love is not always part of compassion. I can feel for someone's suffering, with out extending love. Maybe depending on the things I mentioned above, at least in part. But I cannot love without extending compassion, which is basically empathy. To me compassion is just one ingredient in love, but an important one.

Maybe it just has something to do with conditional love? I think we all like the idea for the most part of unconditional love, I am not sure tho if that is the way the human mind operates naturally.

The concept of unconditional love is something I've always struggled to see and believe. Maybe it's just that unconditional love always seems to involve either sacrifice or the suspension of logic

I'm not sure but maybe I want to believe compassion is a form of love or at least comes from the same place love comes from.
I guess I'm just doubting my capacity for love maybe

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inedible

Personally I chose not to worry about love and compassion and just put my focus on awareness. You can't really measure love or compassion but you can determine if you are letting the same things get to you less frequently, or if you are catching yourself sooner. Love and compassion aren't really things to develop, anyway; you uncover them.

I'm not sure what you mean in the first sentence. I understand that love and compassion aren't really measurable but I question anyone's honesty or capacity for love and compassion if they don't have doubts about these things.
You believe love and compassion are uncovered. That implies that they come covered. What do you think covers love and compassion and what do you think uncovers them?

Inedible · Nov 08, 2012, 02:24 AM

Doubts about my own capacity for love and compassion? Odd. I think I used to have doubts like that, now that you mention it ... I just don't remember what that was like.

It isn't just love and compassion that start out covered. Virtues in general are your true nature; stains are temporary. There are lots of combinations of stains that are possible. Everyone carries around different combinations of layers.

Inedible · Nov 08, 2012, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by George H.

I understand that love and compassion aren't really measurable but I question anyone's honesty or capacity for love and compassion if they don't have doubts about these things.

Are you familiar with the term paradigm change? When you are on the inside of a paradigm it makes perfect sense, and not to believe it seems wrong. After moving on, it is having believed it which becomes impossible to believe. It isn't necessary to argue with your doubts. Just move on to a place where the questions become meaningless.

Anika. · 03:55 AM

Good news... On conditional and unconditional.. We don't always do what is natural imo. Compassion can come from the same place as love, but does it have to, in all circumstances?

I think all love comes with some sacrifice, but I don't see sacrifice as such a bad thing either. Life maybe comes with sacrifice. Sometimes I wonder if we all couldn't sacrifice a little more in favor of the world. I tend to see this most when people talk about freedoms. We seem to want the freedom to do anything and everything. Whether or not it is good for the whole, we tend to think rather is it good for me.. ahh scratch that, we tend to think is it what " I want ".

And maybe suspension of logic is in order at times. At least it could be that logic of the heart and logic of the mind may not synonymous.

Inedible, Thanks.. I have to agree with the paradigm shift.

Creative1onder · Nov 13, 2012, 01:06 PM

Hi.
Love and compassion are important qualities we can feel towards ourselves one another and beautiful things in the world.
But, when you are going through really dark times, suffering from severe depression and feel isolated its hard to feel and express positive, harmonious emotions.

-jimi- · Nov 13, 2012, 01:16 PM

I just get confused when people start talking about love. To me it's just one of those mystery abstractions.

Nov 13, 2012, 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creative1onder

Hi.
Love and compassion are important qualities we can feel towards ourselves one another and beautiful things in the world.
But, when you are going through really dark times, suffering from severe depression and feel isolated its hard to feel and express positive, harmonious emotions.

I can understand that but it's different for me. It's usually when depression is a problem that I feel more compassion. Or maybe it's the other way around.
I feel all this compassion because of how screwed up the world is and that becomes a source of depression. I don't know...it's very complex to me and that's part of what I'm trying to work out.

Creative1onder · Nov 14, 2012, 01:43 PM

I am a sensitive, caring person, have a lot of empathy but at mo its difficult feeling positive cos I'm ill and have a lot of worries.

Nov 14, 2012, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimrat

I just get confused when people start talking about love. To me it's just one of those mystery abstractions.

There is a lot of mystery involved to me too. Sometimes I question my concept of love... wondering if it's real or just a quid pro quo mechanism.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Creative1onder

I am a sensitive, caring person, have a lot of empathy but at mo its difficult feeling positive cos I'm ill and have a lot of worries.

I understand, I hope my reply didn't sound as if I doubt you.

LadyShadow · Nov 14, 2012, 07:51 PM

I couldn't love for a long time. Dwelling in misery was the norm for me. So I didn't feel compassion I didn't "feel" anything for a very long time.

I think once you come out of it and see the light, your perspective will change, that's just an opinion though because that's how I feel and what I went through and what I experienced.

-jimi- · Nov 14, 2012, 09:24 PM

So you say everyone can feel love? I have had times when I've felt really miserable. but I've had good times as well. And yet I don't know what it's all about...

Mindinpieces · Nov 14, 2012, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by George H.

I can understand that but it's different for me. It's usually when depression is a problem that I feel more compassion. Or maybe it's the other way around.
I feel all this compassion because of how screwed up the world is and that becomes a source of depression. I don't know...it's very complex to me and that's part of what I'm trying to work out.

Hi Geroge.H, I hope you don't mind my reply but something in your quote above struck something to me, "only when depression is a problem" you see it differently you contemplate things with such compassion, it is probably the part or notion such as swaying between emotions that you notice and then perceive such compassion you probably felt all along but sometimes something’s can significantly change something just be outlook just by that change. It is like the same street is sometimes a millions miles away and complete a different place by just walking down it in the day and by night two different worlds by still the same just the time of day can change one's experience in life. I am not saying your sense of feeling and thinking is anything more or less when depressed. Nor I am I correct in my opinion, it is a very strange one I am sure you note that, the aspect of other things going on changing can change our sense of compassion, love, thinking etc. etc. Maybe at those times you allow yourself to see a you, a though which you think is out of sync with yourself, maybe you are just piece together your own concept of love and compassion which clearly you are only just sort of being to developed or rewrite with new insight or maybe you just never figured it out before and something had trigger you to look and figure it out. However maybe you have figured it out before but at times when in such a way of feeling you thoughts then tend to make you wonder and search for answers as is must be so strange to have a though of feeling which seems so out of place it can make you question your own self. I am just putting my weird take on this out there and feel free to ignore me reply if it is complete wrong and not really a reply I may have taken this wrong, sorry.

Ruby claire · Nov 15, 2012, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimrat

So you say everyone can feel love? I have had times when I've felt really miserable. but I've had good times as well. And yet I don't know what it's all about...

Yes, everyone can feel love, it has ability to win over everything and everyone!!

-jimi- · Nov 15, 2012, 04:17 PM

So um... what IS it then and what does it feel like?

Nov 16, 2012, 04:58 PM

For some BPDs...me for sure, empathy is a horrible thing. Black and white thinking....all or none. You feel their pain, want to help relieve their suffering, but there is nothing you can do except suffer alongside them....

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