mixed emotions as i head in to 2013 (all bad)

so... new year's eve is monday- and i'm really not looking forward to leaving this year behind.

i've been having so many mixed emotions about it

depression: because i've lost so much this year, my mental health has got worse, my support system is not what it used to be, etc etc

guilt- because i feel like my life is just slipping past me... and i do try and live my life and be happy- but as anyone on here will say, it's not easy when you feel how you feel!

selfishness- because i know their are people worse off than me out their who don't complain constantly about how they hate their life... how this is bad, and this, and this, why dcan't i just be happy with the things i've got?. shelter, food, water, some people don't even have that

also i think- why should i be here?. if i'm not going to live and be happy, why not just give my spot to someone else?

anger- at everyone who has miss treated me and refused to support me

and anxiety... 2012 has been so bad, i don't even want to see what the new year will bring

not sure how i can stay positive as we head in to a new year- is anyone else having mixed feelings about the new year too?

oh before people reply saying... start the new year off with a bang, you have to do something you don't usually do, i don't want to hear it- my current physical situation limits me, and my support network makes it nearly impossible to actually get somewhere.

i just want to hear from others that feel the same, and hear about how they are going to cope with the new year.

thanks...

I am feeling very much like you are...2012 was a horrible year for me, it started out so well yet is ending with me in the worst mental state I've been in since 2005.I have no job I've lost friends my situation with my husband is not good at all...I love him and want to be with him and work things out so badly but I feel he is fed up with me...I can't leave because he supports me and my children financially.. I am scared of what the new year will bring...I worry that my mental health will get worse and that he will use it against me to take my children away... My thoughts of suicide are increasing, I have a plan but know I won't do anything because of my children, if he takes my children I will have nothing to stop me....

ugh...I'm sorry. I must sound like such a downer.. I don't know how I will deal with this new year...I plan on sleeping through the actual countdown.. Then I will just have to roll with it I guess there aren't any other options for me.

so glad it is not just me!

as for the countdown, i'll be at home... isolated, i'll probably see a few fireworks outside my window- and watch the chimes strike midnight on tv... oh and drink- it's my tradition to drink on new year's eve

and as for the day... well i dunno- probably much of the same

Drinking Sounds Good :beer:

yeah... i've been doing more and more of it- especially during times like new year and christmas that are really difficult to handle

I drank my little heart out yesterday...I know it's a horrible way to cope with my current state of mind but it's better than the alternative...I'm having a fairly good morning...it's 5:15 in the morning and I'm not feeling as if I'd be better off dead, that's really good for me around this time of the morning...I hope you wake up feeling well this morning

that is good, yeah

where are you from again?. really not bothered to use my mental calculator lol....

as for me, well... same as any other day, i guess. no sleep, severe anxieties, but not so much a depression... i wrote to the samaritans yesterday- and i always like writing to those people.

really helpful

I'm from California....and yourself?
wrote to the Samaritans? what do you mean?
-excusing for asking, but I'm curios-

i'm from the UK

samaritans... it's an email/ phone support organisation (i email them as too anxious about using the phone)

you just email them with your problems (no matter how big or how small) and then they get back to you

oh wow that sounds helpful.

I wish there was something like that here in the U.S. I feel I express myself better in writing than speaking on the spot. It's almost like I'm too burned out to talk about it.

people from outside the UK can contact them, but... i'm not sure if i'm allowed to post contact info in threads- i'll check up on that

http://www.cavalia.net/en/odysseo/videos

The new year starts for me this way:

@shattered sanity really? That sounds great. Maybe you can PM me the contact info?

Wow... You seem to be feeling almost identically to how I am feeling. I don't have any advice to offer since I can't even help myself through all this right now... What I can say is at least New Years will come and go and we can finally be over with these dang depressing holidays for a while... You aren't alone and I know exactly how you feel and am going through the same thing.

sure... i'll do that.

sometime today

^Appreciate it!