[NOS-NOS]

So about 4 years ago I fell in love with someone outside of my marriage. It just happened, for whatever reason. Nothing ever came out of it, and now it would even be too late to do something about it. I have been trying to jettison these feelings for quite some time. Why would I carry this on for someone who is unavailable? I think about it at least once a day, once too much. Anyone have a method that works? I feel like time alone is doing nothing about it.

[MargoMay32]

I've had this happen with me, the way that I've "over came" it was to just shut out anything that was linked to them. I defriended them on Facebook, delete pictures I had of them (for me it was drawings), and then I talked about it with my closest friends. I told them what I felt, how I felt, How they made me feel and I got it ALL out. When I started doing that I started to move on, I'm it took a LONG time but I found someone else who I created that connection to. That connection still didn't work but I clawed my way to facing the whole thing head on and figuring out why I was still so attached to them when I could never have them.

[jelly-bean]

I think you are already working it out for yourself! You have admitted the feelings, and now you are talking about them. You know it couldn't amount to anything and you are facing that. Just continue to talk it out and you will work it out.

[Davisb]

Yes...you've recognized what's going on....and therefore should be moving in the right direction.

[sorter]

I think a lobotomy would be effective.

Repress feelings? To quote an esteemed scholar:
"That trick never works." -- Rocky J Squirrel

The "trick", or art, is to fully accept any and all feelings.
Learn from them whether you act on them or not.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showp...4&postcount=18

[Thunder Bow]

What you experienced is normal. Some guilt may involved. Over time those feelings will fade.

[NOS-NOS]

Sometimes I think I'm through with it (over it), but then I will still have an internal reaction to this person. Does that ever go away completely?

[objtrbit]

Does this person represent something that was lacking in your current marriage?

Your fantasies are actually going to be the key to this if you allow yourself to think about it.

There's that whole "grass is always greener on the other side" deal too, no relationship will ever be problem free. If you have been compromising in your relationship, or you two are not allowing each other to be who you are as individually to the fulliest level, that's gonna mess things up and leave you wishing you had someone who was "more this" "did that" or "never was like this", ect.

so a place to start would be to ask yourself what made you like this other person, what is it about this person you still think about.

Every human has needs..are yours being met?

Take care,
-obj

[NOS-NOS]

It's totally gone, my only fear is that the only reason this is so is because of the high dose of meds

nos, I think you need to talk with your spouse about your feelings of wanting "more." If you do, maybe "more" will happen that might satisfy you? That would be good, I believe. Sex is important, though we feel shy about it. Getting our needs met, while respecting our partners feelings and their self image, is VERY important to a healthy relationship. Talk to spouse about it or maybe a threesome? Your spouse may have these wishes also? Can't hurt, I'm thinking. G'luck. Brook.