I don't see my mother as mother because ever since she hit me with a flyswatter and have been so highly critical of me throughout these years I feel like she's just another one of my mental abusers. she is so critical of everything i do; seriously she needs to lighten up. i hate it when people are so strict. in the 21st century and she's still behaving this way. i am not very forgiving because my whole life had been filled with drama and i'm just so tired of all the bull****. so anyone who has something nice to say, post away.

[Travelinglady]

You are having a tough time tonight! Is there something that has especially brought these feelings out at 2:00 in the morning?

[ECHOES]

You don't have to forgive her. But you do need to separate from her, psychologically.
It's time to think about your life away from her, and what you would like that to be like.
Imagine the peace. Imagine being on your own, with loving friends in your life.

Originally Posted by PAYNE1

You are having a tough time tonight! Is there something that has especially brought these feelings out at 2:00 in the morning?

it was only 10 p.m

i've had issues with my mom also. i've learned to just ignore our past and focus on my own issues, regarding mental illness and recovery. talking about our past can become painful and evoke strong emotions. i avoid those discussions, except in therapy. g'luck book brook, this message is from.

i just wish that i was old enough to drink so i can just dull that pain.

[Travelinglady]

Different time zones! Please don't think drinking will solve your problems. It will only make them worse.

You certainly aren't the only one who has problems loving your mother because of abuse, so it's okay. Therapists deal with that issue a lot. I have struggles with how my mother treated me growing up and how she still treats me.

drinking to dull the pain is a bad idea. i stay away from the stuff because i love the feeling it gives me but it's not good at all and the problems are still there when you're sober.

i know how it feels to not see a mother as "mother". i have this problem with my bio-mother too. i can't call her "mom." she's not my "mom" and never will be. she didn't raise me and for nigh on 23 years she hasn't really given a damn about me. she's only recently started acting right because i stopped talking to her all-together and i have kids that she wants to see occasionally.

lots of hugs to you. i'm sure you're not in the position to get away physically, but if a positively-influenced opportunity strikes, don't hesitate to take it. i used a free ride to college and haven't gone back since. it helped me a lot. meanwhile, try to ignore the negativity she's throwing at you. i know it's hard and i know it's going to hurt anyway but do your best and know that it's your best by YOUR standards, not hers. she may have given birth to you, but she doesn't know you.