[huntreddog]

Morning to all,

It's been a while since I have been here. I have a very busy life sometimes and forget to take time for me. I must say that I like the thought of having and being able to coming to a place by myself to work on me. At this time, I am dealing with more than one issue. I have seperated myself from my Mother and brother and sister. I have co-dependancy issues that go all the way to childhood. In 2007 I tried to reconnect with my brother and sister. I was sceptical that after years of not having a relationship with them it might be worth a shot? I was wrong. Both sybling are heartless and cruel. I'm abused emotionally by them both for being me. I don't understand it but, it has now spilled over into my marriage. My biological family are users and throw love around like bait to hook me and then use it to hurt me,whether it be for money or jealousy and even to get me to do things that they don't want to do to supposingly rebuild the relationship of what was left of family. I feel sad for having to let go of them but, the unhealthy relationship is keeping me in a place that is a waste of time and making me feel guilty for trying to do the right thing. I have stopped trying and will no longer try to fit in with a disfunctional drug addicted family that has so many issues and too numerous to count. I have to continue to stay healthy mentally and now rebuild what has been torn down. I often feel best when, I have self esteem builders to listen to and read when I can to help my issues with Add/CoDependancy. I am currently see a therapist but, feel that I am not getting anything from her. She is a lovely young lady but, sence that she is only their for a paycheck. I also don't like the non-verbal communication in therapy as I don't feel like I'm not getting anything accomplished. I come out feeling more confused than better. I seem to feel better when I work on my own. If anyone has suggestions for a good down load for affirmations and self-esteem work please let me know? It will be much used and appreciated.

Huntreddog

[Perna]

Hey, Huntreddog, welcome back.

I was reminded of some good work I did with my therapist; she taught me the difference between love and like; she asked me to name someone I liked, and I named my husband. She then had me give her 3 words to describe why I like him and I replied, "He's warm, fun, and friendly". She then had me apply those to the people I love/my family. . . My stepmother was not any of those and only one of my 3 brothers mustered up.a

We should just hang with people we enjoy hanging with! Our friends we get to choose, we don't get to choose family. No reason to feel guilty that some people are chosen as friends and others aren't and thus no reason to feel guilty for not hanging with family or others that we don't like! Yeah, if your family were sick/dying you'd go try to help if you could, pay your respects, but they don't have anything really to do with "you" and what you are trying to accomplish.

I don't know about your therapist; if you don't like her age (most therapists are not just in it for the money) or experience, I'd try a couple more, just to get a better sense of what is out there as far as what they have to offer; some of the ones helping with CBT/DBT might offer you some of the self-esteem work you are looking for.

I like this online book and working through it: Psychological Self-Help. Chapter 14 looks like it might be especially helpful to you?

[huntreddog]

Originally Posted by Perna

Hey, Huntreddog, welcome back.

I was reminded of some good work I did with my therapist; she taught me the difference between love and like; she asked me to name someone I liked, and I named my husband. She then had me give her 3 words to describe why I like him and I replied, "He's warm, fun, and friendly". She then had me apply those to the people I love/my family. . . My stepmother was not any of those and only one of my 3 brothers mustered up.a

We should just hang with people we enjoy hanging with! Our friends we get to choose, we don't get to choose family. No reason to feel guilty that some people are chosen as friends and others aren't and thus no reason to feel guilty for not hanging with family or others that we don't like! Yeah, if your family were sick/dying you'd go try to help if you could, pay your respects, but they don't have anything really to do with "you" and what you are trying to accomplish.

I don't know about your therapist; if you don't like her age (most therapists are not just in it for the money) or experience, I'd try a couple more, just to get a better sense of what is out there as far as what they have to offer; some of the ones helping with CBT/DBT might offer you some of the self-esteem work you are looking for.

I like this online book and working through it: Psychological Self-Help. Chapter 14 looks like it might be especially helpful to you?

What is CBT/DBT? I will read your suggestion. I need all the help I can get.

[huntreddog]

What is DEF for ... CBT/DBT?

[Perna]

Here, this explains the two well I think: What's the Difference Between CBT and DBT? | Psych Central

[BonnieG2010]

i say a lot of affirmations to myself
and the more i say them, the more i believe in them.

Here's your first affirmation ' i do better than doctors for myself'
the second is 'i protect myself'
'i am a good person'
and so on

Say as many as you like
They only do good.

[Thunder Bow]

Seek an older Therapist. You seem more experienced in the field than the one you now have. You family situation will never change, so let go of any hopes.

Live on your own for now, and take risks in trying new adventures. Do what you like doing, and don't worry about starting a relationship, especially for support. The best support always comes from within.

[Meisjes]

Sorry you are going through all this with your family. I have also left my family and haven't looked back.... hopefully you can find some resolve for yourself.

My 2nd T gave me this article called I Am Worthful from a book titled On the Path. I'm not able to find the book so don't know the author. It is long so may be best to put it into a new thread.... will start posting it right now.

[huntreddog]

Perna,

I am grateful for your help. TY very much.

[huntreddog]

Thunder Bow,

I do live on my own. I have a husband, 3 grown children, 5 grandchildren. I can't say enough about how wonderful this site is for me, with all the help I have been getting and with the tools shown to me. I feel that I have control to put life back in order.

Thanks much!!!

[huntreddog]

I will research to see if I can find it. Perna also gave me help material to work with and will try and be more kind to myself and use them all.

[huntreddog]

Bonnie,

I am currently looking for a helpful download or cd with affirmations so, I can listen in my car while going to one appointment to another. I really do need affirmations!!! My life is so full sometimes that the little things are what keep me going. Thank God for you all!

[LovelaceF]

Originally Posted by huntreddog

Morning to all,

It's been a while since I have been here. I have a very busy life sometimes and forget to take time for me. I must say that I like the thought of having and being able to coming to a place by myself to work on me. At this time, I am dealing with more than one issue. I have seperated myself from my Mother and brother and sister. I have co-dependancy issues that go all the way to childhood. In 2007 I tried to reconnect with my brother and sister. I was sceptical that after years of not having a relationship with them it might be worth a shot? I was wrong. Both sybling are heartless and cruel. I'm abused emotionally by them both for being me. I don't understand it but, it has now spilled over into my marriage. My biological family are users and throw love around like bait to hook me and then use it to hurt me,whether it be for money or jealousy and even to get me to do things that they don't want to do to supposingly rebuild the relationship of what was left of family. I feel sad for having to let go of them but, the unhealthy relationship is keeping me in a place that is a waste of time and making me feel guilty for trying to do the right thing. I have stopped trying and will no longer try to fit in with a disfunctional drug addicted family that has so many issues and too numerous to count. I have to continue to stay healthy mentally and now rebuild what has been torn down. I often feel best when, I have self esteem builders to listen to and read when I can to help my issues with Add/CoDependancy. I am currently see a therapist but, feel that I am not getting anything from her. She is a lovely young lady but, sence that she is only their for a paycheck. I also don't like the non-verbal communication in therapy as I don't feel like I'm not getting anything accomplished. I come out feeling more confused than better. I seem to feel better when I work on my own. If anyone has suggestions for a good down load for affirmations and self-esteem work please let me know? It will be much used and appreciated.

Huntreddog

Sorry to hear about your plight. I wish we could all be born into healthy, loving families but that just isn't possible. It sounds like you've learned from this experience, which is something to be proud of. Sorry to hear about your therapist, too. I hope you can find someone more suited to your needs. Best wishes.