[indigo1015]

I quit my job yesterday. I hated it - it was a 1.5-hour commute each way, the training did nothing to prepare us for the real-life scenario, the management lied to all of us about our pay and our benefits, and the customers were horrible (I don't mean that they were merely crabby or difficult - I mean that they were abusive and cruel!). So, I am without a job again. I don't feel as horribly about it as I might have in the past, if only because I honestly think there is something better out there - because, in all fairness, nothing could be any worse than that job. I'm also feeling sad about the romance I am having, because, at this point, it's very clear to me that it's the guy I am seeing who is having the romance. I know this sounds terrible, but I simply don't feel anything for him. I don't know why - he is sweet, intelligent and amazing in so many ways, but I am not attracted to him the way he would like me to be. I want to tell him this, because I don't think it would be fair to either of us if I held out for any longer, but I don't know how to say this to him. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but at the same time, if I feel nothing, then that's just how I feel.

So, basically, right now I am feeling very disappointed - disappointed in the outcome of my employment, disappointed in myself for not feeling anything for this guy... I feel incredibly guilty. I just want to get my life started out here in Colorado, while making as few mistakes as possible. I've been out here less than three months, and I've already made two...

[spondiferous]

In a new town...sounds like the perfect time to make mistakes. I would say you're actually doing pretty well, and I don't see them as mistakes at all. Sure, they didn't turn out the way you wanted, and crappy feelings were/are involved (by you, by others) but it doesn't sound like it could be helped. The employer at the job set you all up and led you on; they are responsible for that. And as for the relationship, it's not your fault that things aren't working out the way he (and you?) Would like them to...it's just how it happened, even though I have to agree, telling someone who feels more strongly for you than you do them that you're not really into them is a guilt-inducing thing for me too. I wish you luck; I do think you should tell him, the sooner the better. He needs to know, yes, but it's also not fair to you to keep subjecting yourself to having to go through the motions while the guilt and disappointment continue to build. Good luck, and I sincerely hope things improve and you find your groove in your new town.

[viryan23]

I understand what you are feeling right now. You are disappointed and no one can blame you if you feel like that.

As for quitting your job, I congratulate you! At least one of your burdens have been taken away. Redeem yourself. Don't dwell in the negative side. Find another job that will make you happy and make you feel proud of yourself. Be critical in choosing you employer.

And as for your lover, "the truth will set you free!". Tell him how you feel. It will make you feel guilty but then continuing your relationship with him will cause more pain not only to you but to him as well...

I hope you can find your courage! And don't forget to move on!

[avlady]

Indigo1015Welcome!!! I am happy you got out of that job if you weren't happy there that is a big step!!!Alos concerning your boyfriend i do think you should let him know the truth about how you feel, so you both don't waste any more time going through the motions. I hope you like where you live now, it must be hard moving as I remember when I moved to a village south of where i grew p in and had to go through a lot because I was a stranger in a new place.Well I hope all good to come your way and have a nice day!

[Thunder Bow]

Use your Heart when it comes to job hunting and relationships. If a job offer does not feel right, don't accept it. Share your heart with him.

[hamster-bamster]

Why do you feel guilty about not having romantic feelings vis-a-vis the guy? Has anybody court-ordered you to have the romantic feelings?

The situation does not call for ANY feelings of guilt, much less for INCREDIBLE feelings that you report.

"I know this sounds terrible, but I simply don't feel anything for him." - why does that sound terrible? Again, has anybody whom you do not want to disappoint compelled you to feel romantic feelings towards the guy?

In other words, you had an objective problem (commute too long, management unfair, etc.) and you solved that problem, but created the problem of needing to look for work. All of that sounds normal.

The problem of feeling terribly guilty is completely subjective and in your head and you should be able to solve it without any difficulties and on your own.

[hamster-bamster]

I assumed that you placed the post in this Forum because you have difficulties coping with having terrible guilt (an emotion, to some extent). So you do not need to cope with the emotion of having guilt - you should stop having this guilt altogether. Then you will be left in need of coping with the job-related disappointment, which would be an improvement in your situation.