Broken hearted.

I don't know where else to write about this, so I figured here would be ok.

My best friend was my ex boyfriend. He broke up with me the day after Christmas & although it was tough, I also felt quite free. We were both going through some hard times & I felt like I could focus on myself for once. We stayed in contact. Eventually, the friendly conversation we were still having became friendlier (if you know what I mean). And he admitted he was still in love with me (even though after breaking up with me, he got back with his ex wife, & two other women). I told him the same. Although we never said we were a couple again, I began to grow hope for us. Eventually I became tired of the odd relationship we had going on. We talked about what we were going to do. And eventually he decided it was best for me to move on. Keep in mind, he's 22 years older than me & I've always felt like he's thought about my well-being more than anything else. Our last night together was really hard. We cried a lot.

Well about four days later, I come to find out he's met someone else (an old friend he caught up with two days after our break-up, so he says) and now he's in a relationship with this person. It's been about 3 weeks since then. And although we weren't even a couple anymore, I feel so depressed because of it.

I am always thinking of him. And I miss him terribly. He was my only friend after all. We have tried keeping contact, but right now it's hard for me. I was so attached to him. He would give me his full attention and now that's gone. I try to distract myself but wherever I am or whatever I'm doing, I think only of him. He was my first love, to be honest.

I feel like I hurt myself every time I think about him or get jealous about the new female in his life. I was already depressed and this just added more baggage. I've been told to not talk to him for awhile, but he literally was/is my only friend. Yesterday he even encouraged me to go to therapy.

I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with everything I am feeling. I also just wanted to talk about it.

I just miss him.

There should be a forum for people with broken hearts, btw.

Sorry this is long.

Hi,

This must be a terrible time for you and I wish I could say something to make you feel better - I can't. I, too, had my heart broken, experienced betrayal, and could not see anything positive in my life. Still have these moments. I know it is easier said than done, but you must stay away from him. If you can, find some distraction, read, walk, anything...... The guy is bad news, just like the love of my life was. It took me too many years to realize that and the price I paid was (still is) too great. I know it is a platitude and bloody annoying, but time is a great healer. It, at least, dulls the pain. Don't let go of things that you enjoy and are interested in. Sylvia's work may not be the best choice at this time. Again, please take it from somebody who's been there, stay away from him!

I'm sorry to hear about what you are experiencing. You should start the broken heart forum. Take Care - Peace

Hello S.Plath. Welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you have to go through this. You should check out the Relationships & Communication forum. There are a lot of people there with issues like yours.

Hi ~ To be honest, I like the advice the person gave you about going to therapy. I think it might be a good idea.

Please don't get me wrong. I certainly don't think you're crazy!!! But I think you should explore why you're so attached to a man who is 22yrs older than you. Plus you said that you were already depressed -- you need to find out the reasons for THAT too! Depression just doesn't "happen" -- there are reasons for it, and sometimes they go so far back as our childhoods. Therapy can help you find out WHY you were/are depressed and how to pull yourself out of it and keep it from happening again.

AND, you need to move on, my friend. You cannot keep obsessing about this man, and allowing your thoughts to keep being interrupted by him. You need to have a good life, free of him now that he's moved on. So please seek therapy, will you? You WILL be much happier, I promise. You deserve to find someone who will love you as you DESERVE to be loved, and who will STAY with you! Do this for YOU. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

I'm already seeing a therapist though. And the person who encouraged me to go is the man who has caused my current problem. I was seeing a therapist way before this mess. My last session did help me realize one reason why I'm having trouble letting go.

He's literally my only friend and he still makes an effort to check up on me, but I guess I do need time away from him. Sometimes I just feel so lonely and in those moments, I can't help but think of the good times.

But thank you for the kind words.

Thank you everyone for the support. It means SO MUCH to me. <3

You are not alone, you have good friends here!

He loves and cares for you that is why he took harsh step.
Get yourself busy in what you love the most and soon you too will find another person to care for you.

Thanks everyone for the lovely words and advice. <3

S.Plath, I'm only 24 but I've felt the same way a few times before. You've been given excellent advice and I truly hope you find your way to a happier life soon. Better days will come.

i just want to say ur not alone goin thru same thing it freakin hurts sooooo bad.he kicked me out of our apt only to move my best i should say ex best friend in they r practically strangers and are now in a relationship?????!!!!Im so confused and still tryin to figure this out.ive known them both for bout 5 yrs.how could 2 people who i thought loved and cared for me turn out to love each other and completely have no morals about this being so wrong???I believe he is def. co dependent and i also believe she is using him for a place to live because she was in pittsburghPA and her daughter is here in NYS.she asked to move in w us and we agreed it wasnt a good idea.then he started bein abusive to me and kicked me out.so he could move her inOMG!!!idk.good luck hun.i know it will take sum time but we are strong good people an we will def get thru this..

You are missing him so much because he was your only friend.
That means you need more friends right away. Building up a friendship is not done in one day, but it's a good and healthy target to work on.

You feel like you've lost everything, but that is only because you did not have enough, enough friends, enough people to go around with, talk to and have fun.
I believe this is the first and most important goal you should set for yourself right now.

Keeping busy is a very good advice to shift your mind from thinking about him only and all that you lost.
Focussing on making more friends is a lifetime goal so that you won't feel as lost and lonely as you feel now. But of course you feel this way if he's the only friend you had.

Focus on YOUR life, not on him. Let him go. Forbid yourself to think about him and get busy with your new life.

Yes, there are so many other good men out there, don't waste anymore of you time with this man. Do whatever you have to do to stop thinking of him like taking a class outside of college, find something new to do like a craft or something, get your mind off of him, to me he seems like a player and that is one thing you don't need is someone who is using you.You mentioned you felt free when he first broke up with you and to me that is one of the best feelings I've ever experienced when breaking up with someone who is being selfish in the relationship. I do know how painful it can be too, it feels like a knife in your heart.