[l8blmr]

I had an experience today at work that I've had many times before. This time I brought some of the things I've been learning to bear and tried to learn from it. I think I had a small success.

Someone said something work related about which I had a strong opinion. I responded more or less appropriately but my emotions were much too strong. Some of my deep seated assumptions about how others view me had been triggered. So instead of calmly being in charge of the situation with humor, the way I'd like to respond, how I feel a mature adult would respond, I saw myself as strident and overly concerned.

So after muddling through all that I began the self criticism, self doubt, despair at ever fitting in. And I probably spend some time every day putting myself though that.

I tried with some success to remind myself of things like:
-this is old business, you've been here before, the fact that you're aware of it is progress; and you've showed more composure than you might have in the past.
-you can use what you've learned about shenpa from Pema Chodron in this situation: be with the feeling but drop the story; face into it instead of trying to distract yourself from it, life is fluid and changing and trying to impose your world view on the present is just grasping for a sense of security.
-and I went for a walk and focused on my feet touching the ground.

So I think I did something positive and putting out here on the forum makes it seem more real.

[Leed]

GOOD FOR YOU! That's not always an easy thing to do, so your DEFINITELY made some progress!

I too used to muddle thru alot of those old tapes -- self-doubt, self despair, self-hate, etc. But i don't have to do that anymore, Thank God!

It does take a lot of work to KEEP from playing those old tapes at times. But if we work on it, it can be done!

Thanks for the post, and the reminder that we CAN get well! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[spondiferous]

Good job and thanks for sharing your success with us. It helps me feel inspired and also hopeful, and encourages me to share my high moments as well as my low moments. And I love Pema Chodron.

[Perna]

Congratulations, sounds like good work! I got rid of most of my old tapes by reading "Napkin Notes on the Art of Living"

Napkin Notes: On the Art of Living: G. Michael Durst Ph.D (get a used one for only a penny :-)

[l8blmr]

Thanks everyone. I think I was fishing for a little positive feedback. I see Napkin Notes got some good reviews. Just as an update today went well; I was much happier with myself and easier to be around. Every one of these experiences gets me a little closer to a more realistic view of myself and others.

[a bland]

yay! i love a happy ending. good for u. im just learning how to get rid of my negative thoughts about myself and reading ur post gives me hope. way to go!

[avlady]

Good for you!!!!It's nice to hear a very positive situation,and on here too!!!!

[cool09]

You're way ahead of me. I feel like I've been stuck in arrested development due to a severe mental disorder and only wish that I could work thru relationship (and other) problems. I haven't been the one in control since 14 or so.

[l8blmr]

cool09
You're not that far from where you want to be. Just a little twist in your perspective and suddenly you and everyone else are pretty much the same, what you thought were your serious defects are nothing major, and everything is a lot easier. If I can turn the corner at my age anyone can.

[Cocosurviving]

Good work, a success story.