A Disastrous Date

So, I just came home from a date that was not only somewhat bizarre, but which also had a disastrous outcome - for me, at least. During the date, the guy seemed to be preoccupied with other thoughts, although he stopped to mention that I seem very lonely and that I don't seem to have any confidence at all. At the end of the date, he decided to let me know where I stand... and I quote, "I think you are a wonderful person, but I am simply not attracted to you in any way, and I don't see that changing." All I could do was simply accept it and go home.

The fact that this guy (who frankly, doesn't seem like a good fit for me anyway) rejected me isn't the point. In a way, I appreciate that he was up-front about it. It's the fact that I feel constantly that the likelihood of me ever finding someone who is right for me is virtually hopeless. Excuse me for living, I've got issues. I've been hurt, And it's true, I have no self-esteem. It's because I can't love the unloveable (meaning, me). I am a realist, okay? I think the idea that people who have no self-love cannot love others is absolutely idiotic. I have a tremendous capacity to love - I just can't love myself. And all right, I have been traumatized. Frankly, if you are alive and intelligent, you WILL be traumatized in this world, unless you're some perfect-looking, popular, cheerleader-type bimbo person (and if anyone reading this is such a person, I don't care that I am offending you, because people these days don't seem to care that they have offended me). Life is hard. And life hurts. And people rip your heart out of your chest and step on it. You have to get through it the best you can. Which is what I am trying to do - I am sorry that I seem unsure and pensive - I have tried, failed, been hurt, had broken spoons shoved into my sides, and my father tried to strangle me. So yeah, I am a little uncertain. If guys don't want to deal with a living, breathing person who has issues but who still has the capacity to love and to care and try again, then things are really hopeless for me. And it makes me miserable to think of it. Perhaps I should just forget about finding happiness, because I don't think it's feasible. Life is really cruel.

I'm sorry that your date didn't go well, but I wonder why you took this persons comments and turned them around to say you were all of the negative things you posted you were. Did your date say exactly that to you? If not, it seems you are putting your shortcomings on him and then it turned into a tornado of sorts with all your emotions and feelings.

So many people these days are anything but upfront and honest with one another. I think your date did more of a service to you than a disservice in that neither one of you will waste your time on each other and you are both free to look elsewhere.

It's hard to find our special companion. Most of us will have many many dates with people before we find the one that "fits like a glove".

Of course we all have baggage. There is no one on this earth who hasn't felt the pain of a lost love or being physically or verbally or emotionally abused in some way shape or form. But, I think we owe it to ourselves to own our issues, work on them and do the best we can do. There is always hope. Each thing we go through in life is a learning experience. We do ourselves a huge service when we learn as much as we can from those experiences and apply them to the present.

I do understand that you may be feeling hurt right now and I'm really sorry for that.

Please take good care!

That sounds pretty hard. Do you want to talk to me about it? If you need a friend

Sabby-- I wasn't trying to make him the villain or anything, but I can't help but notice a recurring pattern. And I feel like it's a vicious cycle, and I keep trying to deal with things, but obviously I am not succeeding. That's what I was trying to say. I appreciate his honesty, but I can't help but feel depressed about my situation.

I understand completely. I'm so sorry you feel this way . Have you tried to take some time and try to find yourself or reinvent yourself? Like continuously work to fix you self esteem issues, or and anger or pain you may have inside of your heart? Its a repeat cycle because people can sense when someone is low on confidence and it can be a turn off for them. You may be this awesome person but they wont get the chance to know this unless you let down your wall and be optimistic. Take some time to yourself. Like 3-6 months maybe even a year, you never know you may just be meet your prince charming.