[smartgirl50501]

I hate that I can be having a great day and then one small comment from my dad, stepmom, or sister can turn the entire day into a disaster. The thing is I know that their comments are just small simple truths and to get me to care more for how I treat myself on the outside but it still pisses me off. I have to hear from strangers that I am/ can be pretty without having to spend hours trying to look that way....They are always pushing me to the edge and I often fall for theses small pokes at me and end up in complete and utter misery unable to do anything at all except hate them and myself....I hate being so emotionally delicate and the others not caring to be careful about setting me off... My sister makes me feel so inadequate because she is the smart and useful one and she is younger than me what am I .....I try and try to find something usful that I'm good at so I can at least say that I'm better at it than her but so far no luck. I know its not a competiton but I can't help feeling that I am just a useless piece of furniture. I a surprised that I actually got the guts and type this out, but right now I am just imagining myself writing this only for myself. I know that I need to talk to the others but.....I feel like I have tried to reach out to them and let them know how I feel..... They say your good at music and I say no just because I can play an instrument with a fair amount of skill doesn't mean I'm good at it plus in real life I feel like music isn't all that useful....They say I can cook and I tell them my stepmom doesn't want to eat my cooking and they don't compliment me on anything except when they are trying to calm me down....Sorry for rambling right now trying to get this out of my system before having to face my first day at my first job ...which is also my sister's first day and first job. I could go on forever about this and to completely vent this I would have to but this is already too long to read

[~Christina]

I'm sorry your feeling so down on yourself.

When I read your post the one thing that jumped out at me is the positive things they said you turned into a negative. I know its hard to "see" anything positive right now your too close to actually see any ..

Kinda of the " your too close to the forest to see the trees" kinda thing. Sounds like your self esteem is a bit low and that is normal I think damn near everyone has gone through it at some point in there lives.

I'm sure seeing a Therapist would be beneficial. Keep posting here it's good to have a place to unload our problems.

Good luck on your new job

[gayleggg]

I think if you are not seeing a therapist it would be a good idea. You need work on your self-esteem. You obviously have good attributes as your family points out but you don't believe them. I'm really glad you were able to post your feelings because I think that is very important. Maybe you should also check out our self-esteem forum and get feedback from them.
Best wishes
gayle

[smartgirl50501]

They only mention those things to try to calm things down so that they can start bagging on me again I hate it. From the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep sometimes all they have to say to me is you haven't done this right or you need to do that and they could either do it themselves but no they are too lazy so they push it off on someone else and then they think they have the right to complain.....I know that I do need to do some of the stuff they are saying but sometimes they are too blunt and they are so hypocritical.....They know how they say things irritates me ....probably even if they were more tactful it still would but they could at least try.....I think its stupid they only say nice things to placate me....they praise my sister all the time and she doesn't need the confidence boost that's for sure. I hate feeling bitter all the time towards them all....if I were not planning and saving for one last trip with them I would already be gone

[smartgirl50501]

the sad thing is I am unable to talk to people in real life. I also am unable to get a therapist cant afford it and my insurance sucks so that doesnt work... My family told me to see the counselor at the college which I still have two weeks until classes starts and again with the I can't talk to people at least face to face

[bpdandme]

I experienced the exact same thing growing up and you know what worked for me? I started to realize that I began focusing too much on the crappy things they said to me and the times they poked me. I began festering in it and only noticing them they were picking on me instead of letting it go and acknowledging the good things as well. I began to resent my sister and my Mom and I am still in therapy dealing with issues of feeling picked on and left out of most of my childhood memories with them. I was a huge creator in that as I not only allowed them to affect me so drastically because of how sensitive I am, I also only focused on the negative and never looked on the bright side or gave them a chance which meant I lost out on a lot of loving opportunities with them. I don't know if this helps but I thought I'd share because maybe it'll hit home with you

All the best to you my dear & please let me know if there is anything else I can do!

[smartgirl50501]

thanks bpdandme that did help a bit im sorta really hot headed lol got that from my dad i'll try my best at not letting them get to me ....it seems more of a chore than to ignore other students at least I may only be at the house for another year if I can transfer that may help me keep my cool around them more if I can find some time away from them

[avlady]

smartgirl50501Welcome!!!!