[whovian456]

I don't know where to begin. Most days I feel nothing at all. I guess whenever I feel an ounce of happiness, I begin to worry immediately about everything involved. I start to become frightened and many bad memories, painful memories, return to my conscience. Then I slowly ignore all of those emotions and return to my normal state of emptiness. I hate it, I often think of hurting myself just to prove I'm not dead. I never have though, and I can't say for certain if I ever will. All of this has been going on for 8 years now. Does anyone else ever feel the same way?

[Detia]

I do... It's such an inconsistent thing for me that sometimes I'm allowed to forget, but when I remember it gets worse. I try to go with the flow, be in the moment, so to speak. This helps me to just accept that I'm just as allowed to feel happiness or excitement as I am allowed to feel worried or scared. Sometimes I find that just by acknowledging that I feel a certain way allows me to either move past it or to find peace with it.

I've tried to create a situation in my mind that when I actually feel nothing, or I feel very lowly, I go find something that will make me feel a strong emotion again, bt I try to look for things that might make me feel happiness or excitement instead of fear, pain, or anger. Sometimes it seems easier to go for pain or fear... I try drawing, play a game, turn on music and dance like a silly person until I laugh. I go and make faces in the mirror until I laugh...

I just figure that if I am going to make myself feel an emotion, why not try to make it a pleasant one? Or one that will benefit my health. I know sometimes certain 'positive' become unpleasant with unfamiliarity or with the idea that it can be taken away by something devastating... but things are in a constant state of change so the happiness won't stay for ever, neither with the nothingness, or the unhappiness.

Best wishes.

[gayleggg]

Have you seen a psychiatrist or therapist? Might help to find professional help, especially, if you are considering hurting yourself. I wish sometimes I could feel numb. I worry non-stop about something.The anxiety is almost unbearable at times. Sounds like you are working at solving the problem by being active with games and such. Hope you get better soon.