[Raven_Maddox]

Sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place, but I would like to know if any of you have any good(healthy) coping mechanisms for jealousy. Unfortunately, I'm faced with the green-eyed monster known as envy often, especially lately. The only guy I've ever cared about on an emotional level is more interested in my best friend, so I've just been a festering cesspool of rage, jealousy, and self-hatred.

I really don't want to say or do something that I'll regret: I don't want to lose my best friends or my closeness to the man I adore. Any advice would be extremely appreciated. Thanks for your time.

[lynn P.]

Yes it counts as an emotion and its a challenge for many. Does this man know how you feel - that you really like him? Does your friend know? In the end its better not to jeopardize the friendship over this. If this is meant to be it would happen, so that 's a healthy way to look at it.

[redbandit]

My experience may be a bit different, but I thought it might help if I shared. I dated a guy who my friend had previously dated. I figured she'd be okay with it as she was dating someone else. She wasn't, we didn't talk for like a year. We are friends now and even laugh about it. But if I have one regret in life, dating him would probably be it.

I had a friend in college who was in this sort of triangle twice, where he and another guy were interested in the same woman. The first time, he chose to tell the guy how he felt. The guy chose to date the woman. My friend was all sorts of furious, but because he had his say, at least he wasn't jealous. The guys are still friends to this day. The woman isn't in the circle anymore as far as I know.

The second time, he chose to tell both the woman and the guy. The woman and guy chose to date. No bueno. A couple weeks later I saw my friend "man slap" the other guy over the head. It's not so much assault as a cartoon violence. Mad, sad, hurt, yes. Jealous. Not really, he had his say.

As the person who had to be the proverbial shoulder for his friend, I learned that if you look the problem in the face, at least you know you did the best you could for yourself. Jealously can be really passive-aggressive. You can't control other people, but you can look out for your own emotional health. Sending the fellow Californian an empathy hug.