I want to be left alone.

I’ve always considered myself to be an extreme introvert. I’ve taken a personality test (Myers-Briggs) with a therapist and in the section for introvert/extrovert I scored 100% introvert.

Recently I’ve started working full time, it’s my first real job, before this I had only worked part time jobs or just was not working at all, and I’m very thankful to be working. But the main issue that is coming up for me is that with this schedule I have very little time alone. When I don’t get enough time alone I get extremely angry and it can be unbearable at times. It is effecting my relationships with my girlfriend, friends and family because when I do have time off such as weekends and evenings I cherish it and I keep it for myself. I blow off the rest of the world and I feel that I need to in order to cope.

People keep asking me to come out all the time and I just get infuriated by it to the point where I feel like they are being inconsiderate just by inviting me. I feel like yelling at them saying “I don’t want to go to your stupid party!” But I can’t actually do that so instead I ignore them or I lie to them and say that I am busy.

I have even been seriously considering breaking up with my girlfriend. This whole thing has got me to thinking about whether or not I want to get married or have kids. I used to really want marriage but now I’m really not sure that I do, I don’t like the idea of living with someone and having to be around people all the time like that. So what’s the point in pursuing this relationship? It’s not fair to her or me. I have already been taking a lot more space from her as it is and she is feeling really hurt by it.

These days I spend about 15% – 20% of my week being alone and it’s just not enough, it is starting to really drive me crazy. But I feel like there is nothing I can do about it. I’m really struggling for control in my life. It feels like other people are making all my decisions for me and I hate it. I can’t express how mad it makes me. I just don’t fit in with normal society and busy schedules.

Anyway, I feel very alone in all this, I’m sharing with you in hopes that someone will relate. Also, does anyone think this is a diagnosable condition?

- A

I think from my own experience, introverts like me and you, need more time alone for whatever reason, that's just the way we are. If you need more time to think about this relationship, tell your friend you need some time to think and the reason why, being an introvert, and she would have to understand if she wants to get married or not , you need the time for yourself and it's not because of her. Hopefully she will understand. She will have to know that before she commits to marriage as she will have to deal with this problem after marriage too. I do hope she understands!!

I've made her aware of my need for space and she knows how I am. The problem for us is that we are very much opposites. She is very extroverted and feels she needs to see me more, she wants a lot of attention and she wants someone who is willing to come out with her and her friends on a regular basis. I tried being that person for her but I found it exhausting even when I wasn't as busy as I am now.

The one thing I have not talked to her about is marriage, at least not in a long time. We used to talk about it a lot but not so much since it's been like this. She knows what she wants, she certainly does want marriage and kids in the future, whether it's with me or not. I have been scared to tell her that I'm not sure I want that future anymore, but you're right and I know I really should tell her.

Always take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of others. You lost the fear of not being accepted. In the past you may have had that fear.

Yes I think you're right about that, thank you.

I used to scored about 50/50 on the Introvert and Extrovert tests. Recently, I took the Myers-Briggs thing again.. And I actually scored on the Extrovert side, which I thought was weird.

Anyways, I'm an only child. I'm used to having my own space. I don't know if you have brothers or sisters, but for me, it's because I just like hanging out with myself. I think I'm pretty cool and therefore don't have to validate myself by hanging out with people all the time.

People exhaust me. Even if I love them.... once in a while to spare my relationship with people.. I just remove my situation for some time to get a refresher on my own. Hanging out with someone all the time can make you sick of them. Well.. I guess that depends on the person you're with. If they're not clingy, then I think it could work out. I've never had that experience yet though.

I don't know if it's diagnosable.. people are just different

Yes I'm beginning to think it's not diagnosable, I only wrote that in cause I like the idea that something it wrong with me, to be honest. I like that I'm not perfect.

Thank you for the response. It's good to know that you get it, at least in a way. I do have brothers and I love them very much, I love my whole family, they have been very good to me. But my family is kind of like me. I grew up in a household where everyone sort of just kept to themselves. I think I'm the most extreme in my family though in that I need a lot of alone time.

I'm 25 now and I live alone and it's the best thing for me I think. When I lived with my parents I would spend most of my time in my room alone and I would get annoyed if people were home and making noise. They used to tell me all the time that it seemed like I didn't want to be part of the family, and there is some truth in that I will admit.

It seems like you are more on the introvert side too, even if that test says otherwise. If you feel that people exhaust you and you like hanging out with yourself and you feel refreshed by being alone I'd say you are more an introvert than an extravert.

It's true, people are just different.

I understand exactly what you mean about your family and living situation.

I have older parents. Like.. really much older (I'm 22, my dad is 71 and my mom is 65). We're a loving family, but we show it more with the occasional deep conversation than family movie night or whatever. We all keep our space. I'll be chilling in my "office", in the basement watching TV, or in my room if I'm home. My parents usually stay in the living room or kitchen and read. lol.

I'm living home temporarily with my parents. Just easier moving back from university. I try not to get annoyed with them like I used to when they'd want to be all nosy and I felt like they were invading my space, but I still "sigh" when they interrupt me all of a sudden.

Even when I was living with my best friend/roommate in university, I would enjoy those times when she spent the day/evening at class. It was like the only free time that I got. And then sometimes when she would come bouncing in the door and full of noise, I would get exasperated because I was my own personal calm/zen/relaxing time. It was like a different energy would come into the room and disrupt mine. lol.

I definitely can be the life of the party sometimes and be a social butterfly, but I really do enjoy my alone time. I need it.

If I had to live in close quarters with a friend, like you did at university, I don't know how I would manage. I love all my friends but I need some kind of control as to how much time I spend with them or else I'd eventually blow up at them I bet. It'd be terrible cause most of time when I'm so angry like that I'm being very unreasonable and over dramatic. I just can't help it at the time even though I know better. I'd hate to lose control at someone else's expense.

Thank you for the support, it makes me feel less alone in this.

Yeah.... after my experience with that roommate... I'm looking forward to living alone for a while. ... I'm actually supposed to be moving to Toronto in a couple of months for work possibly!

Well Toronto will be happy to have you. I'm here in Toronto, it's a fine toxic mess this city, good luck to you. Perhaps we'll run into each other and have an awkward conversation on the subway

- A

that would be cool