[musicflows]

The other day my sister and I were talking about a professor we both take music classes from. This certain professor is rather biased against violinists for some reason and my sister is a violinist. Anyway, I really like this professor because she's taught me a lot and is very encouraging toward me.

However, my sister recently informed me that this professor has been bullying her in her classes and most recently called her a b i t c h. I was a little shocked, but I trust my sister because she never lies about things like that.

Anyway, I can't even look at this professor now without feeling a tinge of hatred and I want to confront her about it, but I don't want to get on her "bad side" either. I am very protective of my sister because she's always been there for me and is in many ways my guardian angel. She even saved my life once when I was seriously contemplating taking it. It makes me furious to think of anyone hurting her like this professor did.

What do you think? Should I confront the professor or try to ignore it or what?

[gayleggg]

I don't think you should confront him. There is no since having her putting you on the hate list. I do think you should encourage your sister to report her to the proper authorities. However, she may choose to ignore because if the authories don't do anything about it, she be in for worse harrassment.

[Perna]

I would not confront her, the relationship is between she and your sister and she is your sister's "problem". You have stated how well your sister has helped you, I would let her fight her own battles, it sounds like she is quite capable.

As far as your relationship with the professor, I would now see her in a "fuller" light, not just as good, kind, and helpful.

I had a doctor I almost sued as her lack of attention/care in a medical situation where she was charged and accepted that attention/care caused additional pain and suffering and could have killed me if not addressed by another doctor. Unfortunately I had earlier recommended this doctor to my daughter-in-law who hired her and liked her.

The moral is that one gets the opportunity to see a person more completely; presumably your sister now knows the professor has a thing against violinists so she does not have to take the professor's comments so personally as that bias is now known and personally illustrated and you have a grain of salt to evaluate her with when she comments on your work in the future. While it is difficult to operate under and learn from a cruel or prejudiced teacher, the experience can be used to strengthen one's self-esteem and focus one one their personal work, knowing the criticism is not entirely valid and the need to judge one's own work and how happy one is with it is more important than accepting other's judgments of it.

I would encourage your sister to talk to the head of the department. She should be able to speak to them privately and have the head of the department take care of it (talk to this professor if necessary) without revealing her identity. And if the professor figures out it's her and doesn't leave her alone, go back to the head of the department. Or if you know the Dean, you can go to them.