[NuckingFutz]

Went no contact with my crazy family recently after a long deep thought out process. Now what I am dealing with is getting rid of my anger. I don't see my T for another 3 weeks and I feel "unstable" as in taking my anger out and projecting it on someone else.

I've done the screaming, I've done the exercise thing, and still I am afraid I will lash out and loose control.

Can anyone relate and work through an issue like this? How did you handle your anger? Working with my family is not an option.

[Thunder Bow]

With the kind of awareness you have, you are not going to lose control. No worry, just go with your feelings.

[Gus1234U]

oddly, anger is more likely to make me cry than any grief or pain. i cry of frustration, of overwhelm, of stress, of failure to mangle, maim and crush the object of my anger. i have been struggling with anger all my life. not just anger, but rage, berserker, feel-no-pain- rage. here is what i have come to:

do not sustain anger -- let it go as fast as one can, saying things like: This is killing ME, i have to stop feeling this,,, whoo whooo,, (blow it out).

do not feed anger with reasons why it's unavoidable; how right you are to feel it; how it is in control of you; how strong it is; how good it would feel to let it out... etc.

think of anger as a poison - seek every antidote for the sake of your life. anger eats YOU, not those you blame for it.

that old saying about counting to 10 really works,, only count to 20, 1001, 1002, 1003,,,, and count your breath, and slow the counting the second time, to slow your heart beat; and remember to eat something after a fit of anger, which will release so much adrenalin that you will be exhausted.

notice what feeling anger does to your body, your thoughts, your actions, the other people around you, your reputation, etc,, nothing good, i assure you.

learn to reject anger the way you would rotten food... there is no emotion that is not better to feel than anger: sadness, grief, shame, despair, longing, loneliness; all are better for you than anger... pick one, preferably forgiveness.

and then do it all again.

best wishes~
Gus

[wisedude]

You really need to tell us- what more specifically is making you angry, and what more specifically in going on in your life.

[arachnophobia.kid]

You should do all the stuff Gus1234U said.

It takes patience but Gus is right, those are probably the healthiest things you could do.

However if you lack the patience for those things as I often do, what I like to do instead is go to punk rock shows where it's encouraged that you bash into people and yell things.

Also being creative is helpful.

[NuckingFutz]

Not much into punk rock shows.
Gus also has a lot of good ideas.
What was making me angry is that I let myself get stressed out to the max with people who overstep their boundaries. There was one really off her rocker lady that just was like velcro one day and I could not shake her. I even asked her to leave and she didn't, she just kept asking me why I needed to be alone (this woman is big and tough and not someone you want to piss off. I saw her at the store and she just followed me home and told me how much a good friend she is to me (no, she wasn't even keeping boundaries let alone being my friend). I just wanted to get away from her and the harder I tried, the more invasive she became. Not a rational woman.

I am also dealing with some health issues that are quality of life changes (being able to walk very far will be impossible (I'm talking the length of your average grocery store isle).

Dealing with family stuff as well. No contact with my sister because I am tired of her unchecked borderline tirades. I put her on no contact and that was hard to do.

And that is why I was so angry and so stressed.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I think I can relate. Sometimes, something small triggers me, and while I don't jump at people all physically abusive, I can end up expressing myself in a less-than-appreciable manner - essentially, I can be angry at someone or something, but end up transferring that anger to someone else, ... it's usually just "snapping" at them a bit, but sometimes it can be a bit more; I think to an extent, we all do this, but maybe some more than others. If someone makes an honest to God mistake (after-all, it happens) it can have more of an impact on me, causing me to react as though it were something more.

[Bill3]

What was making me angry is that I let myself get stressed out to the max with people who overstep their boundaries.

Does this mean that one approach might be to establish more effective boundaries so that the anger is less likely to get started?

[NuckingFutz]

More "effective" boundaries lead to rifts in a huge family. More escalation of anger instead of resolution. I'm dealing with a narcissist and an untreated borderline personality.