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#1
Oct 23, 2013, 09:29 PM
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I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now. I was in a relationship with him for 5 years. It was a traumatic 5 years, I will leave it at that. I was in love with him and when it ended in 2008, I had a lot of hate for him. I just recently kind of let go of the hate. I've kept in touch with his uncle's wife over the years as we became friends. Today she informs me that he passed away, found in a car, not sure of reason for death yet. I'm only 32 and he's not that much older than me. I've never considered this moment before, but I imagine if I did a little over a year ago I probably would have said I wouldn't care and if it was years earlier before then my answer wouldn't have been pretty. Today I felt this immense shock, and I just have these thoughts racing through my head and I even cry but at the same time I am kinda numb but I don't like that feeling. I just feel unexplainable and weird. I can't imagine what his family is feeling right now, how his wife and kids feel. I haven't seen him in years but.....i dunno how to explain it...i dont know anything right now
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Invictus it matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul. William Ernest Henley |
 Corvette, gayleggg, Gingersnapsmom, winter4me
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#2
Oct 24, 2013, 11:54 AM
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The man was a part of your life for 5 years. You still have feelings for him even though they are not the same ones or as strong. A little bit of your history died with him. It leaves a hole. Give yourself a little time. You'll be OK.
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#3
Oct 24, 2013, 12:54 PM
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Take care, grieve, rave, rant, laugh, cry...be angry, be sad, it is all acceptable, understandable, whatever reaction you have is yours and is OK. I think these kinds of losses can be most traumatic, a sense of something "unfinished" even if "over", the ambiguous feelings/conflicting thoughts etc. You may also not be able to engage in the kinds of rituals people sometimes need when death occurs...
This is new, give yourself time, and a hug, and, if you can, get some comfort from others who care for you. (())
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"...don't say Home / the bones of that word mend slowly...' marie harris |
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#4
Oct 24, 2013, 01:28 PM
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I agree with jadzea, that you were with him a long time. And even if you are over and done with him. There are still loads of memories that will surface. You need to go through the grieving process. I know I would react that way one of my ex's died. So take care of yourself.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin "Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha  |
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