[June55]

I feel awkward.
I apologized to someone and at the same time, they didn’t apologize back. I wasn’t the only one in the wrong.
A person tells me maybe I just don't belong here, in this position. They see nothing wrong with telling someone that. 2 years later and I'm still here.
I lack motivation/but not really, just tired. Quiet when talking to people.
Words aren't coming easily.
I wish someone of authority could just tell me I'm doing a good job. (sorry, I want to know I'd be missed if I were gone)
I am average or below average in everything. Nothing stands out good, or better.
I feel drained.
I made an impression on a student, lent them a book over the long weekend, and they really appreciated that. Never would have expected this student to hug me.
I joined a club today and clearly the other two talked to each other before hand, so why was I told last minute?
Given some things to try, but yet, I don't know. This life just is complicated. Nothing is ever simple.
Things need to be hard even when they should be easy.
Things aren't new, except for what is new, and so why does the stuff that isn't new seem difficult?
I think I am permanently stuck in stress mode. I think/know I am clenching my jaw. The headaches. The not sleeping through the night. Tight shoulders.
Yes things are busy, but no different than other years. Ok maybe I stressed then too. Just maybe not all these physical symptoms.
I just had a long weekend. I relaxed and looked after myself.
Maybe I am still worrying about things, and don’t even realize it.
I’d hate to think what I would do if something really happened. If life really happened.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense.

[the abyss]

life is simple .
we are born and we die,
in between these two points we breath a lot,
oh yes we have to make choices.
to be good or bad, kind or evil...etc....
we make things complicated , life is simple.
you sound to me like a thoughtful and kind person.
kindness is wisdom, wisdom is success in my book of life.
perhaps you need to believe in your self a little bit more.
i believe in you.
take care
.