[CrookedSmile]

today I took a walk and had no intention of coming back home...I disappeared for at least five hours and not a single soul noticed I was gone...I coulda easily blown my brains out with the same outcome yet my family doesn't understand why I always run away...im not wanted here... but you know whats pathetic, the pathetic thing is I came back...I came back to a place where im not wanted around but I am wanted to do everyone a "favor"...I mean it pleases me seeing the people I love happy but how can I love people who don't want to see me happy??? how can i aim to please those who cant be pleased no matter what i do...how can i make the people who only see my faults and failures see that im trying, not for me but for them...i mean that walk really got me thinking that i really don't live my life for me, but for others...and its so sad its sickening to think i try and try to get a smile out of someone to only get a witty remark or something negative towards me! i live only to amuse and yet my parents get mad when i call myself a clown or a fool because that is all i have ever been...so in closing i would just like to say that i proved my point that if i was gone, no one will notice or care

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry your family is not hearing you. Some people don't want to hear about the pain of others or are just so interested in what they have to say they don't listen to others, especially if the others are usually quiet. They have gotten used to as the clown and can't see you any other way. It's their being in their own little world in their head. It's not your fault they aren't hearing it's easier for them to pay someone else to do it.

[Thunder Bow]

How old are you? If your over 18 maybe it is time to live on your own. You can make it on your own, regardless what family members may say.

[diddlybunks]

Wow! You sound very "together!" I hope that Crooked smile can find some support. Support requires effort, though, and many people don't even accept that there is anything wrong. Keep focusing on what responses you get from others - especially professionals.

[gnat]

I did that a lot back in my living at home days. I would disappear for hours and no one would notice. Now as a mother it amazes me.

I quit trying to live for them, to please them. I began living for me, to build my own life and break away from them. I do still love them and keep in contact, but I haven't relied on them for a very long time.