Feeling taken advantage of

Started a relationship with this guy 4 years ago. We both profess to be catholics and we both have prior marriages and kids from them. Catholicism for me is what I grew up with and I find a few things in the Catholic denomination that I like and abide by, but for the most part, I always find more guilt, shame and judgement in the church than not. He has a different experience with the church. Regardless of any catholic rules, last January he proposed and moved into my house, where I live with my kids. Even though I thought this move was a bit premature, he gets along with my teenagers, he was here most of the time, and so I reluctantly agreed, and to date, have never told our families about him living with me, as they both profess catholicism. After all, I thought, we will be marrying soon and this will just blow over. I took his proposal and my saying yes to him as a promise and it didn't bother me we were living as a couple even though under the eyes of the church and the law, we are not married.

Some things started happening this summer that started feeling awkward and he seemed to be drawing away. I made an appointment with a priest to discuss them but the conversation turned into previous marriages and current situation. Basically, the church sees us as adulterers, and the priest said until we got our union blessed, we should abstain from receiving communion on a weekly basis. Because of my prior marriage under the church, our union can't be blessed by the church until i get an annullment; and because of issues with this guys' ex-wife, I am not willing to unite legally with him as a way to protect my assets, which I have been saving for my kids. The church doesn't recognize legal marriages any way.

I thought the relationship was going fine; we had our disagreements, but really, what couple doesn't? however, it became increasingly obvious how his showing of affection was decreasing, and our intimate contact, minimum. This was getting me anxious and I couldn't pin-point why I was feeling sad and depressed, even though he was around. Over the last few months and weeks he had been expressing concerns for why we had not married yet, why I had taken so long to start the annulment process, and he is wanting to make his life OK under the eyes of God. Mind you all the other things he has to make right, he is asking to not be intimate until we get married. I said to him that if he didn't want to be physical with me, he needed to move out and he did on thursday.

I am heart broken, angry and frustrated. After 4 years, he now wants to be all high and holy and says he is confused. Because of our living arrangements, I find it hard to believe that he had an affair or someone else he was with (I periodically checked his phone and computer, and never found anything). He professes he loves me and wants to come back home, but marriage is out of the question for now. I haven't told my kids about the situation, and it deeply saddens me how he has thrown all we had for the sake of his believes. some people may call that honorable.

I am very sad, very angry and really can't believe this is happening. I can't focus on anything, and I'm leaving in a daze. If you have some advise, please send it along.

it sounds like you miss the intimate closeness of the relationship and resent him for withdrawing from you. but it also sounds like, just from your user name, wannabefree, that you may be hesitant about committing to this relationship. you wanted to protect your assets from him and slow in getting the annulment. you didn't say what he still needed to work on but there seems to be mixed feelings here. its common to be feeling the way you are at the possible loss of a relationship, especially one as long as you were in. take care