Do I have the right to be angry?

I never had a good relationship with my brother. And by that, I mean that I REALLY didn't have a good relationship with my brother. I was an oversensitive, whiny crybaby when I was younger. I was introverted. My brother was an extroverted, leadership-oriented person. This didn't mesh well. Ultimately, I found myself wishing that he would die. Our relationship is better nowadays, however.

When I was in grade 5, I had my first serious case of OCD. I was obsessed with these unhappy, traumatized fictional characters. I started ACTING like those characters as compulsions. My parents never knew what exactly went wrong, and they assumed that it was some sort of religious force that possessed me. To this day, I ask myself "why didn't they see the signs? Why was I the one who had to point out to them that it might be OCD?"

Ever since grade 5 I've been filled with self destructive tendencies.

In grade 7, my OCD struck again, for two years. My parents again didn't know what was going on, and thought that I was just a lazy *** whenever I didn't get good marks at school, even though I really couldn't concentrate because of OCD.

Throughout a good part of elementary school, I had one consistent friend. He grew up in a pretty broken household; his parents were divorced and his brother has Down Syndrome.

When I was in grade 10, I began feeling INCREDIBLY guilty about how that same friend became suicidal. I felt like I wasn't there for him. It took about two years to realize that I couldn't have THAT much of a negative influence on one person, especially at that age.

Furthermore, in grade 10, I developed the obsession that if I didn't do well in school, I will kill someone in my job in the future. I wasted so much time and energy working obsessively hard in that grade.

Also in grade 10, I became suicidal because of my OCD.

When I was in grade 11, I thought, for one or two months, that I was a child molester, because of OCD. I actively seeked punishment for what I thought I did.

The same obsession outlined above, about child molestation, returned during the summer after grade 11.

OCD to this day bites me in the ***.

I had a fight with a friend yesterday, where he called me out on my cynicism and bitterness. I initially ignored him, but now I'm thinking: am I just a drama queen?

You always have a right to feel however you feel. If there were not a reason to feel that way, you would not feel that way. Feeling angry and doing things because you are angry are two different things, however. OCD probably makes it harder to separate out the feeling from the doing, since OCD can cause you to feel like you have to do certain things because of the thoughts and feelings that you have, right? But you do really have a choice about what you do.

So, you are angry, and you have plenty to be angry about. You have been through a lot of really terrible stuff and maybe it could have been different. Anger has a message for you. You are not okay with this situation. Right? Once you have received the message, then you get to decide what to do with that feeling. Is it helping you to keep it around? Can you use the feeling in a way that might help you or someone else? Are you acting in a negative or destructive way because of that feeling? You are the only one who can answer those questions, but you can get advice and feedback from people you trust.

Therapy in understanding your family dynamics may help in this case. Learn how you coped with your family, their problems, and how you all related to each other. While you were growing up. Uncover the hidden fears.