Can't stop thinking about dying...

Lately, all I think about is dying. I've been suicidal off & on for years & although I'm not necessarily feeling that way now, I still feel like I'm dying. I feel as if something is going to happen to me in the near future that will take my life...& I wish it would. I've been struggling financially for a while now & things are only getting worse. I have no support system & no one to go to for help. The job I work I'm paid under the table so, I have no tax record of income. I owe on student loans to the point that they've sent me letters stating they'll take any tax refund I could get in the future & even garnish my wages hence one of the reasons I've kept the job I have. I can't chance losing a dime of my income. I usually have to chose between buying groceries & paying the electric bill. I'm literally flat broke. My child support ends this summer which will make my situation even worse. My 18 year old son graduates high school in May & currently refuses to get a job. His father is of no help when it comes to parenting & helping to set our son on the right path.

Anyway, my stress level is pretty high. Last night while sleeping, I woke up with a killer headache. I was immediately nauseous & when I opened my eyes, my eyesight was shaky. It felt like my eyes were moving back & forth really fast. Needless to say, this scared me tremendously. The first thing I thought was I was having a stroke.

Because of my financial issues, I feel like death would be a good thing. I'm so exhausted & I'm tired of living this life. I've struggled all my life & I don't want to live my later years this way. My birthday is this week & I feel hopeless. As I get older, my life gets harder. Things only get worse. I'm financially destitute & on the verge of losing everything. I want to fall asleep & never wake up. I want to peacefully drift off into heaven.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling so much. it is easy to see why you want to die. I was once in your mindset. my life did turn around and I am doing well now. I hope something happens and you get hat magic wand you are probably dreaming of too. take care.

I too am very sorry you are feeling this way. If I may I would like to share some of my story with you. I am almost in the same boat as you. I hurt my back about 2 1/2 years ago and have been struggling ever since. I have 5 children that depend on me for support and a wife that does her best to hold things together. I have lost a house, and a few other things in all this. The 6th of this mth I tried to end it all. I over doused on my pain meds. I can very close to dyeing. Had it not been for some quick things on the part of my loved ones I would not be here today. Going to that mental hospital was a God send. They detoxed me off the pain meds and got me on something for my Bipolar, PTSD, esc esc. I am feeling much better now. They also got me in touch with people that are now helping me and my family. So I'm begging you, Please go check yourself in somewhere. Let them help you. You will feel better for it. We here can only help you so much, but you have to understand that only you can make you happy. You have to take care of yourself before you can even think about caring for anyone else. If you not ready to make that leap of faith, please at least call 211. You will find people there that are willing to help and really care about helping you. I hope this finds you better and ready to make the changes to take your life back. I know you can do it.

With all the love and support I can give,
Clemfan