[hikeandbike]

I hope someone can identify with me and offer some words of wisdom....of hope. I am on the verge of losing a very important relationship in my life. In every important relationship I have had, I do not know how to resolve conflict. Things will be great for awhile but as soon as issues arise I am doomed. At the point where someone gets upset with me, I lose it. From then on the attempt at "fixing" the relationship turns into a downward spiral until I end up losing the very thing I am working so hard at saving. Even when the other person wants to resolve things, I always see them as not feeling the same about me and that I have ruined every thing. I will perceive their every action as an attempt to push me away. My uncontrolled emotions get the best of me and the feelings of hurt, resentment, fear and my abandonment issues prevail over any little sliver of logic I have in my head. Ultimately, I do not trust that they can love me and want things to work. I read into everything and throw it back on them until they have had enough and really do want to leave. Does anyone else out there share these experiences. How can I forgive, forget, and relax back into the relationship and give it a chance to repair.....before I open my big mouth and ruin everything for good?

[shabur]

Hi hikeandbike
I struggled with the same thing and lost a few very good friends. Couple things I learned are:

If that person really cares about ME, then that person will try to help/work with me so we can resolve the issue(s). I have a built in support with my siblings and a few very good friends.

When these situations come up, take a deep slow breath. Try not to react right away. I try to journal about the feelings I'm having and work through them. Once I feel comfortable about the situation I can then approach the subject with my friend.

Just a few thoughts. Good luck.