Full of rage, no support

I snapped a laptop in half. My parents let kids use it whenever they want and I was sick of it. Teen threatened to break my foot with it, so I snapped!

When I was married, I used to break chairs, carve writings into wood, smash walls in. I have also destroyed kids toys (ones parents gave them)

All day long I mouth obscenities silently about my parents. I want them to die.

In public I am very quiet and very calm. I don't even talk.

I feel as if everyone controls me. I feel like I have to watch everything I do.

I have hardly any friends left, no one to talk to. The ones I did have lie and treat me like crap anyway. My kids hate me. I lost contact with all relatives. I hate my parents and don't even talk to them even though I live with them. If I go somewhere I hate pulling into the driveway and coming back to this house.

Parents have no friends and just watch tv and read all day and give me evil looks when I walk by. I have to watch everything I do, every sound I make.

I am extremely depressed and feel my life has no where left to go. I try to move ahead but get nowhere. ONe minute I am motivated to do something and then as soon as I look at or hear my parents I just want to go straight to bed and sleep all day!!

I have hardly any social skills. I take antidepressants. I had selective mutism as a child and have suffered from panic disorder.

I feel like I don't want to go anywhere anymore, and am getting to the point where I feel inferior to even go or talk to anyone. I feel like I am inferior and don't fit in. Everyone else has these great lives with lots of friends and places to go and I have nothing.

I can't date because I live with my parents. So I resorted to finding married men to sleep with. There is one I talk to online regularly and I find myself wanting to talk to him if something bad happens. He had become a good online friend. I haven't seen him in months even though he keeps telling me he wants to see me again. I feel as if he is the only one I can talk to but he knows nothing of these problems I have discussed on this site.

That certainly contributes to rage.

You are currently living in an environment that constantly bombards you with negativity. Do you have or can you construct a plan to move out? I do understand that depression itself retards initiative and planning.

Sounds self destructive. Do you want to change or do you want someone else to change you?

I even thought about killing myself so I don't have to deal with telling my parents that I broke their computer.

I have money to fix it, but am too embarrassed to go to someone and try to fix it. If I buy a new one, they may know it is not the same one by a serial number?

I have been sleeping a lot today so I dont' have to think about it. They asked me where it is and I told them I don't know. They try to scare me all the time

Hey...hi...you are more than depressed. If what you've posted here (again) is true, you need immediate intervention....as in, the ER tonight.