[kawaiigurl1981]

I have spend a good deal of time examining my behavior patters and habits and I have come across a tendency that I find quite disturbing. I feel like I have always been well loved, my parents and grandparents made mistakes but their love for me was never lacking. I somehow picked up the habit of hurting myself (not physically) to manipulate those that care about me. I suppose as a child if I was sad or upset my granddad in particular would try to draw me out or placate me, this reinforced a pouting behavior that I still exhibit to this day. I am 32. I know that my boyfriend loves me and wants me to be happy so if I am upset with him I mope around. I will stop eating and lose weight because I know this worries him. I am rather plump and everyone that knows me knows that if I am happy and stable I have healthy appetite and if I show no desire for food above keeping myself alive I am depressed. He and have been having a disagreement about his taking another job that would cause us to spend less time together. He knows that I don't want him to take but I know that unless he gets more money in his current job he will have to go somewhere else with better pay. This issue is all about money, obviously not personal. Even though intellectually I know that its not mean as a slight to me I have still been plotting being mopey and upset and living on nothing but protein shakes and bars so that to him it will look as though I am wasting away. I don't think I want to be this sort of person but when I feel like control is take from this is my typical reaction. Does anyone have any thoughts on this or struggle with similar behavior ?

[Gus1234U]

i think you have a good deal of insight into your behaviors. it's true, that a child who is not allowed to experience unpleasant feelings will learn to avoid them, and food is often used as a distraction, so it is only natural that this pattern would develop. the point is, not what's wrong, but how to fix it ~! i learned that there is a simple formula to changing:

1) DECIDE to change
2) Decide WHAT to change
3) CHANGE as much and as often as you can
4) PRAISE yourself for every little change

the inner child in most of us didn't get enough praise. in your case, no praise for enduring unpleasant feelings. so it's important that you use that to reinforce the new behaviors. even telling us today what you see yourself doing is a BIG STEP~!

Congratulations~! WELL DONE~!

[kawaiigurl1981]

I want to fix it but I find it daunting, its like a program that runs automatically and I am well into sometimes before I even realize what is going on. It's a stimulus response sort of thing, when I am presented with certain stimulus that is my automatic response I don't feel that I am even making a conscious decision to do these things, I just find myself doing them.

I am very interested in your statement that as a child I should have been allowed to experience my unpleasant feelings and not be talked or bribed out of them. I am guessing that may be why I struggle so much with unpleasant feelings now and want someone to fix them and save me from them.