[sunflowerxo]

i'm a 17 year old girl and i don't know how much longer i can take of feeling this complete emptiness and dark sadness..i was on lithium for a year but just got taken off of it due to thyroid problems...now i feel like i'm at rock bottom again..depressed and nowhere to hide. i cant run from my own thoughts, and i keep giving into them by having panic attacks..but i can't help it. these thoughts consume me..and i've been depressed for about a month now..for no reason at all. i have 1290489224982 thoughts 24/7 and i'm in rapid cycling as i type this..ive been isolating myself from my life. i feel absent to my own life and it's sad because i know what it is like to be somewhat "happy" .. i just dont know how much longer i can take of these evil thoughts trying to take over me i hate being thrown on medication after medication..i just want to be normal. i want to be like the people in my school..the ones who can actually keep friends and not end up fighting with them because they dont have to deal with a disorder. once again, i'm alone, isolated in my room because my mom cares about me so much and doesnt want me to get in trouble out there..and i dont blame her becauuse i know that im in no position to be out in the real world feeling like this. idk i just want my life back and it feels like an eternity for that to happen..at times my thoughts take over and thats the reason for my scars and bruises all over my body, i just i dont know anymore i dont

[Travelinglady]

Hi, sunflowerX0, and welcome to Psych Central! Alas, some of these drugs can knock us for a loop. I had to go off of Depakote because it caused really bad shaking of my hands.

Hon, I understand what you are saying. I want my life back, too. I had to go through a whole slew of meds before they found a combo that seems to help without too many side effects.

Are you also seeing a therapist? I find that helpful for bipolar, at least when I get a bit stable.

Hang in here. There is hope!

HI sunflowerxo. I'm sorry you're struggling so much, at such a young age. I have bipolar disorder too and I'm working with my psychiatrist to find a medication combination that will help this current long-standing depressive episode. I hope your doctor can find a medication combination that will help you too. Please look forward to better days ahead!

[waggiedog]

Hello dear Sunflower. A big Welcome :welcome to PC which is a very supportive site. I was 18 when my serious problems started, now I'm 55...................yes 55 years old!! As you can imagine I've been through a lot of different meds over the years!! Including what I found myself by self medicating. Back then my problem, Borderline Personality disorder wasn't known about generally so there was no real help. I was called an attention seeker, rather hurtful. Anyways, now among other meds I take Depakote and I've found it very helpful indeed. In fact I don't want it taken away for any reason. It has stabilised my moods but not the suicidal depressions I still suffer. I also take another mood stabiliser called Seroquel (quetiapine) though this is also an antipsychotic I believe. Meds suite different people and what works wonders for one won't work for another, could even be bad for another. You are very young and I hope you are seeing a Dr or a mental health professional person who may steer you in the right direction. The sooner you get help, the sooner you will feel better, though it won't happen overnight. I'm doing DBT/CBT and STEPPS for the PBD. HUGS. xx :