[indigo1015]

I feel like I am getting sucked into a huge vortex and I can't get out... first there's my job situation; I have been unemployed for a little over 3 months now, and my disappointment has turned to disnay, and it is now rage. I have experience in the fields to which I'm applying, I have awesome availability, I am WILLING TO WORK, for the simple reason that I NEED WORK. At this point, I am starting to have trouble paying off my bills -- I made a killing up in Estes Park last summer, almost all of which went into my savings account, but it's a lot less than it was, and I'm worried that it will be gone before I find another job. Secondly my landlord is making me find new roommates, which I don't feel is my responsibility, although I need to review my current lease to be sure. I am seeking legal advice over this, and I don't want to take this to court, but I can't afford the alternative he's offered which would get me off the hook from doing this: transfer to another property that is $30 more each month with staggering utility bills. When you're unemployed, every penny counts. Thirdly, there's my health -- as some of you may know, I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes in January, and I've worked really hard to get rid of that diagnosis; I work out 4 times a week and I watch what I eat obsessively. I'm down from a size 16 to a size 6, and I so desperately want to have normal glucose levels again.. But who knows; I seem to have bad luck with these things. I promise you I will refuse to take metformin or anything if it comes to that -- I couldn't live down the shame and I'd rather die than be disowned by my family and friends. Plus my chronic cold has not gone away, it's been here for months. Might be allergies, but I can't tell. I've been feeling alienated from society and everyone else, and it makes social interaction very hard for me. I'm seeing a hypnotherapist this coming week, and I'm very nervous about it because I want it to work so badly and I'm afraid it won't. Like I said, when it comes to health, no matter how hard I try, luck seems to never be on my side. I wish I could meet people who understand how I'm feeling, but like me, they probably feel alienated as well and so they don't come out of the woodwork. I want to crawl in a hole and continue being miserable, but I swore I would go to the gym this morning, and I have to show my apartment to someone, and I also swore I would go to this meetup thing, because I've had to cancel twice for previous get-togethers. So I guess I'll just be miserable while doing all of that.

[waiting4]

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I can only relate to the job thing after being out of work for about 4 months. Add to that, breaking up with my NPD bf at about that time so I was a wreck. I did eventually find employment, so I'm sending you good thoughts and hopes that your situation inproves. Pm me anytime if you need to vent, or just talk

[gma45]

I am so sorry you are having these feelings. I do know that when it comes to health, being and thinking positive has a lot to do with the out come.It sounds like you are on the right track with eating right and exercise, just got to get that stress a bit under control. Why do you think people will disown you if you have a medical condition? I hope for the best for you and sending positive thoughts your way.(((((((indigo1015))))))))

[indigo1015]

Well, I do know that my mom will disown me-- she has a history of anorexia, and she still has BDD. She's always been extremely critical of my body, hers, and other people's. She would be horrified and disgusted if she found out... if I don't know anything else, I know that. And yes you're right that stress is a major factor for me. But frankly, although this is no excuse for not attempting to control it, I think it's a part of modern life to be stressed. Modern life is ridiculously stressful, and what do we get out of it? Thanks for the advice though, I think you've definitely got something there with the point on stress.

Originally Posted by gma45

I am so sorry you are having these feelings. I do know that when it comes to health, being and thinking positive has a lot to do with the out come.It sounds like you are on the right track with eating right and exercise, just got to get that stress a bit under control. Why do you think people will disown you if you have a medical condition? I hope for the best for you and sending positive thoughts your way.(((((((indigo1015))))))))