Okay, so I have a sister who I share a room with and she always goes to bed around 11 PM. However, sleeping next to her is complete torture. She does this thing where she sniffs extremely loud. It's not a regular sniff, but she has shown that she can sniff normally. She also has shown that she doesn't NEED to sniff that damn loud.

So for the past week and a half I haven't been able to sleep properly because everyday around 5 or 6 AM, she starts sniffing really loudly. She goes to work in the mornings and she usually doesn't get up and start getting ready till about 8:30 AM. So she'll lay there, awake, sniffing for about 2 or 3 hours until she finally gets up!

When she sniffs like that it wakes me and scares me out of my sleep. I am NOT a light sleeper and our other sister has even told me that sometimes it sounds like our door is open because she can hear her sniffing from the other room. So when my sleep is suddenly disturbed in this fashion, I get anxious which just turns into full-fledged rage. Then I can't stop the violent images in my head I have of wanting to beat her face in or something.

I have thought about talking to her about this, but every time someone tries to point out something to her she feels like she's "being attacked". So the last thing I want to do is try to talk to her only for her to get angry, start yelling, and want to fight me or something.

I just started seeing a PCP, who referred me to a clinic that treats mentally ill patients. My appointment is this upcoming Wednesday and I'll have to go through an intake process and be screened for the first time ever. However, all of that seems so far away.

I'm thinking about talking to my doctor about a sleep aid and I'm considering getting earplugs because this is ridiculous... So far I've been dependent on Benadryl to sleep through the night. Unfortunately, her noise still wakes me, but the drowsy side-affects allows me to return to sleep as soon as I have woken up.

When she would sniff during the day it wouldn't bother me because I'm awake. But after being rudely awakened and having rage attacks in the early hours of the morning for a week and half, her sniffing has started to bother me during the day now too. And now every time I hear it, regardless of what time of day it is, I get extremely angry.

And no...I can't move to a different room.

[happiedasiy]

Sorry to hear that you are in this situation and hopefully there is hope for everyone to have a restful/restorative sleep.

I am the one who talks/yells/snores in bed. My partner has yelled at me in the middle of the night and has left the bed as well.

Ear plugs worn too often will hurt your ears and taking a sleep aid every night isn't a solution for you.

Sister has to realize she has a problem and should see a doctor.
She may have a deviated septum which can be fixed.
She may have allergies, ect...
You said she sniffs during the day sinuses issues, most likely.
ONLY a DOCTOR can say!

Try to approach it with her like a project to work on together.
You need your sleep. Look into some of the things I mentioned and bring that information to your parents.
Good Luck

[Perna]

I think some of the anger/rage you are feeling is because of feeling "stuck" and like there is no way to resolve this issue. You don't like being frightened awake and yet you are afraid to try and work with your sister on a resolution or even express your resentment at being awakened.

happiedasiy has pointed out that ear plugs and sleep aids are probably not a good long-term solution. I would wake enough next sniff to do a "startle" reaction, "Oh! Your sniffing like that scared me! Are you all right?" and at least get it out without accusations or demands that she change. See if anything happens over time if you do that a few mornings in a row. Just making it known that it has disturbed you might keep your anger from building up and will notify your sister in a way that she cannot dispute/deny ("I am scared" is not something others can say, "No you aren't" to very easily/believably :-) and the extra "Are you all right?" defuse any anger on her part -- you can say you did not know if she was crying or had gotten a cold, had allergy/sinus problems, etc. and acting concerned about her instead of angry at the sound might help her become more aware of it.

Or, have you thought of going to bed and getting up earlier than your sister? :-) I would maybe set an alarm to go off, something that won't scare me when I wake or that I control. If you want to be angry at your sister, you can then explain that you prefer waking under your own power instead of being scared awake by her. But I think you should try a kinder way to at least make sure she is aware of the loudness/issue. You and your other sister have talked about it but no one has told her. Remember, how we sound to ourselves and how our habits affect us and our awareness of them are totally different from how they may affect those around us?

[RRex]

I'm this way with my mother's eating habits. She sounds like a pig and it drives me nuts. I usually turn up the TV or leave the room.

Losing sleep is a different matter. I'm very sorry for you. I hope you find a solution.

Originally Posted by Perna

I think some of the anger/rage you are feeling is because of feeling "stuck" and like there is no way to resolve this issue. You don't like being frightened awake and yet you are afraid to try and work with your sister on a resolution or even express your resentment at being awakened.

happiedasiy has pointed out that ear plugs and sleep aids are probably not a good long-term solution. I would wake enough next sniff to do a "startle" reaction, "Oh! Your sniffing like that scared me! Are you all right?" and at least get it out without accusations or demands that she change. See if anything happens over time if you do that a few mornings in a row. Just making it known that it has disturbed you might keep your anger from building up and will notify your sister in a way that she cannot dispute/deny ("I am scared" is not something others can say, "No you aren't" to very easily/believably :-) and the extra "Are you all right?" defuse any anger on her part -- you can say you did not know if she was crying or had gotten a cold, had allergy/sinus problems, etc. and acting concerned about her instead of angry at the sound might help her become more aware of it.

Or, have you thought of going to bed and getting up earlier than your sister? :-) I would maybe set an alarm to go off, something that won't scare me when I wake or that I control. If you want to be angry at your sister, you can then explain that you prefer waking under your own power instead of being scared awake by her. But I think you should try a kinder way to at least make sure she is aware of the loudness/issue. You and your other sister have talked about it but no one has told her. Remember, how we sound to ourselves and how our habits affect us and our awareness of them are totally different from how they may affect those around us?

Thanks for the feedback. I have thought about getting up earlier than her, but that would require that I got to bed earlier and sometimes she can stay up for hours at night. But it wouldn't matter because she sniffs throughout the night and into the morning. I am going to try and talk to her about it, I just feel like it might not go the way I hope it will. My reason for not wanting to talk to her about it is because I always feel like I'm stepping on eggshells around her. And I have good reason for this.

Originally Posted by happiedasiy

Sorry to hear that you are in this situation and hopefully there is hope for everyone to have a restful/restorative sleep.

I am the one who talks/yells/snores in bed. My partner has yelled at me in the middle of the night and has left the bed as well.

Ear plugs worn too often will hurt your ears and taking a sleep aid every night isn't a solution for you.

Sister has to realize she has a problem and should see a doctor.
She may have a deviated septum which can be fixed.
She may have allergies, ect...
You said she sniffs during the day sinuses issues, most likely.
ONLY a DOCTOR can say!

Try to approach it with her like a project to work on together.
You need your sleep. Look into some of the things I mentioned and bring that information to your parents.
Good Luck

Thanks. As far I know, she doesn't have a doctor, or at least she never goes to see one. It may well be allergies/sinuses and she's aware of that, but won't do much about it. I'll approach her about the subject, but it all depends on her in the end.

Ear plugs and a sleep aid every night may not be a good solution, but if this doesn't work out then it'll be all I have.

And I live with both my sisters. So our parents aren't included in this.

I brought the issue up with my sister yesterday and everything went well. We even had cookies and laughs over the discussion. Thank you everybody for your advice and feedback!