[ExistingInChanges]

Am I the only one whose bipolar gets worse because of animals not doing as they are told? You tell them over and over again and they will not listen to you because they don't respect you enough. It is frustrating and disrespectful.
If an animal can do something right one time, they should be able to all the time. But no! Then you get so mad at them and have multiple anxiety attacks a day. You yell and cuss and call them names. You scream and hit things and you want so badly to hurt them and to hurt yourself....am I the only one who has this problem? It seems as if multiple people think animals are treapeutic, but in reality they make you a nervous wreck and you love them and want things to work out and you think they are cute, but they are disrespectful and rude and a big burden as well.
Any suggestions on how to manage my anger and impatience when it comes to animals?
Any tips on how to think of them as more of a reward and less of a burden?
I don't know what to do. I keep wanting to take care of an animal and keep not being able to....

[kaliope]

did you ever think you may not be an animal person? or maybe you just haven't found the right pet? I have had dogs that have frustrated the hell out of me so I got rid of them because they weren't worth the frustration but then I had a dog that was perfect and well mannered and I had her for sixteen years. I would have another one of her in a heartbeat. you could walk her without a lease because she would stay by your side. she would get down when told. she was wonderful. I don't think it is about animals, it is about not being able to handle frustration. it would be the same with kids. they don't listen either. you just have to train them right from the beginning. anger management skills, frustration tolerance coping skills would help you deal with the feelings you are having. the pets are just being themselves. they don't know about respect. take care.

Perhaps you just aren't meant to be an animal owner. Have you considered finding homes for your pets with people who are more able to deal with animals being animals?

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by kaliope

did you ever think you may not be an animal person? or maybe you just haven't found the right pet? I have had dogs that have frustrated the hell out of me so I got rid of them because they weren't worth the frustration but then I had a dog that was perfect and well mannered and I had her for sixteen years. I would have another one of her in a heartbeat. you could walk her without a lease because she would stay by your side. she would get down when told. she was wonderful. I don't think it is about animals, it is about not being able to handle frustration. it would be the same with kids. they don't listen either. you just have to train them right from the beginning. anger management skills, frustration tolerance coping skills would help you deal with the feelings you are having. the pets are just being themselves. they don't know about respect. take care.

I was thinking they knew about respect because when dogs are in a dog pack, they respect and follow their leader.

[ExistingInChanges]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Perhaps you just aren't meant to be an animal owner. Have you considered finding homes for your pets with people who are more able to deal with animals being animals?

Thanks for your suggestion, but I want to keep them. They are part of my family now. I barely got them and I love them.

[Sometimes psychotic]

They do not have the intelligence level that you do so they may not always know what you want...some understand human language better than others, collies for example are extremely smart. Others really respond to tone and inflection...they get yelling but not sit...soemtimes they will try a few things to see what you want. Personally, I have my pets just to pet and enjoy in a naturalistic sense not becuase of their training ability.

So basically would you yell at a baby that pooped in it's diaper or would you understand that it just wasn't capable of using the toilet yet but one day it would be. If someone were not as smart as you would you expect them to be able to do everything you would. If you make a mistake how would you feel if someone yelled at you rather than simply correcting your error.

Is your dog upset because you have not learned how to bark yet?

[music junkie]

Originally Posted by ExistingInChanges

I was thinking they knew about respect because when dogs are in a dog pack, they respect and follow their leader.

Agreed, but do they understand that you are the leader of their pack? You might need to take them to dog training classes. Dogs will constantly challenge their place in the pack & try to be on top. This is an ongoing battle between me & one of my beagles.

About the anxiety & yelling...in the beginning when we got my "troublemaker" beagle, it was extremely stressful, & I pretty much hated my dog at that point. I regretted getting her because she was the complete opposite of my younger beagle puppy, & I felt that she was undoing the younger one's training. Her dominance issues were ridiculously off the chart, & everything she did tried my patience. I yelled at my dog pretty much every day, & my blood pressure was through the roof.

Only over the course of a couple of years did I learn to be calmer & train her to be a little less of a pain in the rear. My severe anxiety eventually got better, & I wasn't so angry anymore. I had to learn that my dog was picking up on all of my emotions, which was partly why she was so riled up all the time. Once I calmed down, she learned to calm down, too. She's still far from perfect, believe me, but now I feel lower than dirt for ever being such a jerk to her. I just had to learn that she was going to be a pretty slow & stubborn learner.

Anyway, hope this helps. I love my beagles more than anything, & even though they still make me pretty mad from time to time, I can't imagine my life without them. They are so loving, & are always there to comfort me & cheer me up.

[roads]

Most SPCAs and Humane Societies offer basic obedience classes for dogs and puppies. Is it dogs that you have, ExistingInChanges?

These classes are for training the owner as much as it is to train the dog. There are also books and videos. Training a dog properly is a difficult undertaking that requires focus and perseverance. It's mandatory though if you expect your dog to know what you want and do what you want. In the long run, for an owner with high expectations, it's worth all the effort.

A well-trained dog always sees its trainer as the alpha dog. Yelling and other displays of anger only frighten and confuse dogs. It sounds to me that you and you dog(s) don't have a common language yet. Training will give you that, and you'll be able to live together as a team.

If you take meds, they may need tweaking. Kali's brought up some other possible areas where therapy could help ... anger management, frustration tolerance, etc. She's so right that "the pets are just being themselves. they don't know about respect."

You wrote, "If an animal can do something right one time, they should be able to all the time." I would say that's an unrealistic expectation to have even of an intelligent, high-functioning adult human. To expect that of a pet is setting up yourself (& the pet) for failure.

To have in your home animals who make you so anxious that you worry and harming them and yourself sounds self-defeating. Have you talked this over with a therapist? If you have control issues, animals are not therapeutic--they're just another out-of-control part of your world.

I'm sorry you're having this trouble. The last animal I adopted I searched for in shelters across the state for six months. I talked to lots of shelter volunteers and told them I needed a fairly young, well-mannered cat who would be sensitive to my feelings and illnesses. A therapy cat, who would take as much care of me as I take of the cat. Finally, a gal at a shelter called and said, "The cat you want is here!" I adopted a three yr-old Manx cat, and Charlie causes no problems for me--he's my nurse and therapist.

Maybe you have needy animals, and you can't cope with their needs and your own. You might want to consider finding homes for the pets you have and look for the special pet, one who is what you want to begin with. Just a thought.

roads

[A Red Panda]

I can't see how my bipolar would be affected by my pets not listening. If I was in an irritable hypomania then I'd be less patient I'm sure, but they wouldn't be the cause of the irritable hypomania.

It just sounds like you're an impatient owner, and don't seem to have the maturity to handle your frustration in a mature/responsible/productive way (I'm sorry, I know that sounds super offensive, but it's the best way I can think of to word it!).

Animals are animals - they do not understand English. They require a lot of patience and repetition, and those two things always need to be present. Consistency is highly important. They aren't being rude or disrespectful - they are behaving like animals. Which is what they are. You can't expect them to behave or comprehend the way that humans do - you need to go more onto their level and show them that you are the dominant animal in the household - which takes the consistency.

Animals frequently feed off the general emotions surrounding them - if you're angry and thinking violently and very high-strung, your animals will be too. If you indulge in yelling at them or destroying things or hurting them, you'll also foster a fearful environment which will only have them become harder to manage. Your reactions to them are making the problem worse. They won't accept you as the alpha if they're scared of you, because they will either want to get away or take over to show you how to behave properly yourself!

Like.... I even have my cat (notoriously hard to train those stubborn critters!!) a bit trained - he knows that when I say "NO!" or "GET DOWN!" in a certain tone of voice... well, he knows to knock it off or get off whatever he's on. Usually he backtalks me, but I repeat the sentence and down he gets. If it's something like biting it will be "NO!" combined with putting him down (or shoving him off the couch) and then ignoring him for a bit.

So... tips really? Well, to start with: you can learn how to be a good pet owner!! It's totally possible

1. be patient.
2. be consistent
3. be firm
4. remember that they are animals
5. don't yell or hit or anything else violent.
6. only give rewards and treats for listening to your commands
7. start with teaching one command at a time. Don't try to teach "sit" and "lay down!" at the same time because it could be overwhelming.
8. have reasonable expectations of them - everyone learns at their own speed.
9. there is a lot of repetition required
10. have a consisten thing to say when you aren't happy with their behaviour. "NO!" with the same tone of voice - they notice the tone of voice more so than other things.
11. Once they know a command enough to listen to it when offered a reward, slowly start making the reward random (where sometimes you'll give them a treat, other times not). They need this progression so that they'll never know if they'll get a treat or not - they might just stop listening if they KNOW they'll never get a treat... but you want them to listen at all times and not just when they see the treat.
12. If you're trying to teach and find yourself getting frustrated... just stop. Go and do something else. Don't keep at it because you'll both just get stressed out and more angry.

[lizardlady]

ExistingInChanges, training animals takes time, repeation and patience. Just because an animal, or human for that matter, gets something once doesn't mean they will get it every time. Ever watch a baby (human) learn to walk? They fall down a lot until they master it.

Yelling at them for getting something wrong will only compound the problem. Think of yourself. If you make a mistake and someone yells at you does that help you learn or does it stress you out and make you more likely to make more mistakes? Same thing goes for animals.

Another thing, hard as this may be to put into practice, an animal making a mistake is not a personal affront to you. Mistakes are part of learning. The best response is to calmly correct the animal (same applies to humans too!)