How to judge selfworth?

Self Worth??? How do you deal with the emotion of feeling worthless? Like you are just here hanging on with no purpose. You can't really make the people around you understand what you are feeling without them getting mad.
Maybe a little back story will help. I am out of work, hurt with a number of problems with my back. I am 40 years old with a wife and 5 kids. I worked in an industrial environment from the age of 16. I have been sitting home hurt for almost 3 years now. I had one attempt back in Feb to try to end it. Most of the time I am very thankful that it did not work. Other times I struggle with feelings of worthlessness. I would like to go back to school, but I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. So that's me in a very small nut shell.
So, how do you deal with all the feelings that go along with the emotion of feeling worthless? I know you should try to look at the positive things in your life. To not pen point on the negative. Not so easy anymore. Bills keep coming, school is starting soon for the kids. I'm getting foodstamps to my shame, but without them I really don't know how we would make it. That alone troubles me. The Judging looks, they way I'm treated for getting Gov. help. Even by some of my own family. I am trying to get Disability, but its a long hard road. I just feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. Thanks for letting me rant.

Clemfan

Hey, ClemFan. Feel free to rant away. I had to go on disability, too, and I often dream of being back at my job. We are doing the best we can.

You say you "are not the sharpest knife in the drawer", yet I can tell by your post....your thoughts are well organized, your grammar and composition are decent, you do a good job of expressing yourself...that you are probably sharper than you give yourself credit for.

I really don't know how a person can determine their self worth, as an objective appraisal would be very difficult. However, I do know that wallowing in self-pity is destructive and will erode any sense of self worth you may have had.

You need a positive plan for your life. If it involves retraining or additional schooling, so be it. Don't allow yourself to be intimidated, or procrastinate. You are well able to handle it ....just keep a positive attitude.

Good luck and God bless you.

I remember reading that we are all worthy because we are all human beings. No one is better than anyone else, no matter their situation or what they have. You deserve the food stamps. You need them right now. Don't let anyone feel badly about them. As long as you're genuinely not purposefully ripping off the system, you have a definite right to them. That's what they're for. I went yesterday to register for therapy and it's official - I'm a charity case. I'm fortunate to get it free. I felt a little badly about it at first because I know someone has to be paying for it somehow. But I'm suffering daily and have been for months. I need it, and I'm taking it and am so grateful. Just hoping it will help, and maybe I can return the help somehow one day. I know the looks hurt when you feel like you know what they're thinking, but you don't for sure. Just remember that "What they're thinking is none of my business" and carry on the best you can. It's none of their concern.

First....stop feeling like you don't deserve the food assistance you are receiving. Food stamps are paid for by taxes and if you've been working since you were 16 and you're forty now, you've more than earned the right to that assistance, in your time of need....if your relatives can't suck it up and be supportive, you might remind them of that.

I also agree with a previous poster, I don't think you give yourself enough credit, just by virtue of reading what you posted. Suggestion: look into some trade schools (hopefully they have them in your area, if not, try online schools)...many offer financial assistance. Take a course in something you enjoy (a possible hobby that could be a career) and just go for it. It does take time for the disability to come thru, and I definately understand your frustration and depression.

Self-worth comes by doing something you enjoy, and doing the best you can at it, no matter what it is. Your a father of 5 kids...that is a helluva responsibility, and I admire you for your patience (I managed two....5 would have spun my tail in all manner of bad! lol)...you sound like a good father, who's been thru some distressing times recently.

Please remember there are people who love you, and respect you for who you are...try to find something (school? volunteer work?) that you can be passionate about and always remember we're here if you need to rant!

Take care

Dear ClemFan,

I like the reply," Just remember that "What they're thinking is none of my business" and carry on the best you can. It's none of their concern. by birdpumpkin, thanks"

I'm too dealing with self worth issues. I have all the compassion in the world for everyone else except myself.
It is growing process, remember you have 5 children who are watching how You respond to situations and circumstances. So be aware of what you are demonstrating "catch yourself". Try to keep the energy in the house light. You are the only one who keeps order in the house. Kids need rules, boundaries, and age app responsibilities like household chores ect... and rewards like acknowledgement of job well done. Encouragement goes a long way. Ask the kids to write down what they like/want to do.
Not materialistic things. Discipline without punishment, watch your wording such as calling a child bad boy/girl. Punishment relates to being bad. Instead explain "you are not following the rules of the house and the consequences will be xyz.

Go outside and throw a ball or do some age appropriate things with the kids. These are the things they will remember and their smiles and laughter will last forever. If physically you cannot partake watching them is 2nd best.

As YOU explained it is the feeling of SHAME that is fueling the feelings of Unworthiness.
Shame should be felt justifiably if You did something wrong.
Or is it the embarrassment from getting food stamps?
I see it you are doing everything to keep food on the table ! That is a honorable thing.
There are many other resources you and the household qualify for, as long as you keep your disability case open.
Shame belong to those who judge you but You have to believe that, also what birdpumpkin said about others.

It seems to me that you have many skills in an industry that is lacking efficient/knowledgeable people like you with experience. Seek out supervisor positions.
Take out a notebook and be proactive.
Happiedasiy

A quote that may help: "In order to love one's self,
one must behave in ways one can admire."

All those years you worked you paid taxes and those indirectly helped other people. Now you are getting some of yours back. I don't think anyone who needs help should feel bad about it. Try not to let what you see as judging looks bother you. The people looking may be feeling a financial pinch themselves what with prices being so high.

Going back to school as an adult is different from high school or college the first time around. At least I have found it to be so. While your disability claim chugs along you might use this time to think about your strengths, including your bonds with your family, particularly the children. Life is about giving and receiving. I hope your life improves soon. You are inherently worthy because you are a human being. Your children value you and I hope you allow yourself to value your own worthwhile self.

Self worth is about how you value yourself and that's wholly up to you so stop with the self put downs? You are the only knife in your drawer and you are quite adequate to the job of being you!

What would you like to study? If you are interested, that is more than half the battle with school/learning. I'm a "sharp" knife by your definition but I only got average grades because I was not interested. When I found what I was interested in and decided I wanted to apply myself to learn, I got straight A's.

But grades in school are about the graders and the school, not about what you learn/do/want. Think of school like a video game, "they" have certain rules/ways they operate and you do what you have to do get their check mark but that does not mean you have to value that check mark more than anything else. How often in your 24 years of work did anyone ask you what kind of grades you made in elementary school?

Slamjammer this is brilliant advice but have felt I have had to 'battle' through most of my life with a fake armour to get what I want, when I had the strength to. I don't want to feel like this is the only way to get what I want in life, is feeling happy within oneself also a key ingredient to leading a fulfilled life? So that things do not seem so 'battle-esque'!