I don't think anger is such a bad thing...

I've realized that anger can defend your self-esteem. When I was a kid and was made fun of by siblings, I would get angry at them and take out my anger in healthy ways. My siblings were the only people who I would allow myself to get angry with, since my family wouldn't allow me to show negative emotions in any way (which was wrong of them). Sometimes I used that anger to direct a logic-filled rant my siblings' way.

I realize now that as an adult I have forgiven them. Maybe that anger recognized what they were doing as wrong, and I now realize they had their own problems my parents didn't help them with. So despite the problems from my childhood lingering with me today, I think my anger over my siblings helped me put their treatment behind me.

[lizardlady]

It took me a long time to learn that anger, in itself, is not a "good" or "bad" thing. It's what we do with our anger that can be positive or negative. I grew up in a family where no one except my father was allowed to display anger. I used to believe that anger = danger. If my father was angry it was time to run for cover. As an adult my husband was abusive which fed my belief that anger and danger were synonymous.

At the same time I would bottle my own anger until it just exploded out of me. A friend once told me that I scared him when I was angry. That was a real wake up call for me.

Today, after a ton of therapy, I'm able to express my anger appropriately. There are still times when other people's anger unnerves me, but I've learned how to cope.

Thanks lizardlady. I can see how holding in anger could cause an outbreak of it later on . I'm glad therapy helped with those feelings. My parents were both allowed to be angry. They didn't mind so much if we kids were angry at each other directly, although we would occasionally get into trouble. We just weren't allowed to cry or appear sad, otherwise yelling time. I'm sorry you had to live in that sort of environment.

[maxthorton]

anger is necessary unless you plan togo all they way with being a person of calm. dallai lama style. if you want to exit in this world on a similair level ther people there is no point in keeping it inside. it just cant work

[BLUEDOVE]

It wasn't until I felt I had the RIGHT to be angry if
someone was being disrespectful,that I started to
respect myself for the first time in my life. This also
nearly but all obliterated a life long problem with
anxiety. That alone,is worth its weight in gold.
I don't LIKE to get angry,but its good to know I can
if it is needed. In short,while I have no wish to be
anyone's enemy, I refuse to be anyone's victim!
Kind Regards,
BLUEDOVE

[arich62]

Releasing anger and even having stress in your life is good. I've noticed it helps, the only problem is that when I need to get angry it's very hard to get angry and when I don't want to get angry it's really easy to get angry.

[theinvisigoth]

Anger is the emotion I'm most afraid of I think. I don't let myself express it and I feel bad if I even let myself feel it fully. But I've realized that all I do is redirect my feelings of anger towards myself, and my therapist thinks that a lot of my self destructive behavior is fueled by unrecognized/unprocessed anger, which makes sense.

[Fuzzybear]