[BrliPerDis]

We have all hear our whole lives to never regret, resent, and never say never. Well today I have alot of regrets and they are all big regrets cause face it there is no little regrets to life. As far back as to i can remember to today all of my regrets always from one time to another pop back into my head and will not leave me alone. They torment me to the point of anxiety, and panic attacks. Of the fear that the feeling will never leave.

MY REGRETS:[LIST][*]Never standing up for myself against my family[*]Never standing up to any one [*]Never truly speaking my mind[*]Not being honest with my pychitrist when i was younger[*]Not moving out at 18[LIST][*]Feeling like no one cared or loved me[*]Not doing my best when i always could [*]Hurting any one i my family [*]Staying with my first boyfriend for as long as i did [*]Staying with any relationship as long as i did[*]Letting my sensitivity always get the best of me[*]Letting me be my own worst enemy [*]Cutting myself as deep as i did[*]any and every time i made my mom cry [*]Letting my BPD take over my life[*]Using alcohol as a self treatment method[*]Using drugs as a self treatment method[*]Letting my drinking turn into an everyday event[*]Having to be drunk to confront everything and everyone[*]Getting sober to fall so hard [*]Destroing my relationship with half my family[*]Taking in all the blame, and turning it into self hate [*]Always blaming myself for everything and hurting myself just because i thought i deserved it[*]Having the need to have unhealthy sex with any partner

...Feeling like i had control of my life and mind, treating my alcohol as a treat to me instead of the treatment that it was, not seeing my callings or wake up calls before it got so bad, i know i havent hit rock bottom yet but i dont want to see it, going out and blacking out for 24 hours to have my family look for me and think i was dead, then to go to the hospital and decline a rape kit because i truly felt that no one would believe that something that traumatic actually happened, i didnt want to believe what happened and still dont...

So regret will sit with every one differently we all might feel it at one point in time, some are fortunate enough to be able to let it go or drop it right away, and some are like me let every moment be regretful and just self destruct over it, this is why i am finally saying i regret and i am writing it down so it can now sit on this thread and not on me anymore. I want to finally take these in let them out and learn from all of them to not do it again and get help. My first step came from my last fall and i am ready to face my demons and scream at them to get out. I have to do what ever it takes even if it will change me the way i think my personality, myself... i am now willing to take that risk. I am my worse enemy so that shows alone that something in me needs to leave.

[Sinking Feeling]

I also drag around a lot of regrets, too may to list. And they seem to pop up out of no where to antagonize me more. Mine start from my earliest childhood, up to the present. Talking about it doesn't seem to help. Knowing all we have to do is "let go" of them is useless. Even if I can manage to escape one some how, they always come back. Anxiety does seem to go along with it too. Followed by bad self talk, negative feelings, ideas, depression, anxiety. Yes, I understand.

[BrliPerDis]

Thank you, in truth those are the ones that bothered me today alone i have to let it out some how and have to make sense some how its a great feeling to know im not alone if one person can stand and say they feel the same, im not alone and i appreciate that alot its going to take time and i rather let it out it helps

I have many, many regrets, my life is a case of "Don't really know what you have until it's gone". I wish I could use a time machine and right all the wrongs, but life gives no second chances. My biggest regret is that I didn't take good care of my health, and ignored all early warnings and signs... and it's coming back to bite me in the *** now.

I can relate to almost everything you said too, not standing up for myself, drinking, not moving out, lashing out at family members and more.

[VMblue]

I never regretted anything and saw it as what shaped me. Now they have completely broken me. My biggest regret is the one stupid choice I made 11 years ago that led to many more stupid choices. Oh and not going to university, but working full time and studying part time :P

I understand how you are feelings. Hope you are feeling better soon!

[Thunder Bow]

Your list shows you are aware of your troubles and issues. You know what you need to do for yourself. Now dump the regret part, and heal. You will heal because you are aware what you need to do for yourself. Many in your situation do not know what they need to do, and are in denieal. You moved past that. Be proud of that.

Congratulations on having come to this place in your life where you're ready to face your regrets! I know how difficult this can be. I have a mountain of my own & I beat myself up over them daily. The only difference is, I deserve the lashings I give myself. My best wishes to you, BrliPerDis...

[aprillynn197]

My regrets haunt me to no end.

[BLUEDOVE]

Yeah,I know,been there etc. And now? Well,my
greatest change,is, I do not allow abuse of any kind,
from any quarter (and believe me,I suffered from
anxiety for years). Another,though I don't always do
it,is have compassion for dear self, this was after
I got book by Kristin Neff, titled,"Self-Compassion"
Then there is acceptance (not liking,or condoning),
but accepting if possible,coupled with compassion.
If I were to choose one thing that had greatest
benefit,it would be not allowing others to abuse me,
which engenders self-respect. I discovered I had a
RIGHT to get angry if anyone was putting me down. We all have the RIGHT just by virtue of
being alive,to be respected by others. Of course,
their are a multitude of loonies who will not see it
that way,which is where we have to assert ourselves. Speaking of which,do get some books on
assertiveness,it will be an investment in dear self.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[cat2992]

You are amazingly insightful to be able to lid your regrets. Mine are an ever repeating tape in my head that never stops (unless I'm taking klonopin or binging on good) my regrets are like Velcro balls that stick to me and weigh me down, yet they are also irritating and prickly. My T insists I do self care activities - Walking, seeking positive people, grooming, eat healthy and when I don't I feel like the failure Velcro balls multiply.
Sleep is my biggest escape during my depressive phases. Binge reading helps to distract me too.

[Djk1994]

Most of my days are spent regretting things I've said/done in the past (whether it be a day ago, an hour ago or years ago) and it is the worst way to live..