[conswell]

I'm a 34 year old college graduate (Master's degree). I have no children or significant other. I have a pretty good job that has me working part time hours for full time pay. With all these blessings, I still feel like my existence is absolutely pathetic and worthless. I don't have many friends because I've pushed most of them away with my mood swings and anger. I feel so lonely all the time. I long for someone to share my life with and the more I realize that's probably never going to happen - the worse off I feel. I spent too much time watching TV and I have no life. I think about suicide all the time but I don't really want to do it to myself - it's more like I wish I'd die in an accident so my parents and family wouldn't be as hurt as they would be if I had taken my own life. Each night I lie in bed and think about writing my final letters but I never end up doing it, which may be a good sign I suppose.

I'm very tired of feeling this way - hopeless about the future and about my existence. It's all very exhausting. How I long to be a carefree child again sometimes.

A part of me thinks that if I had a husband or children, I wouldn't be so lonely, and would have a purpose and some meaning in my life. I don't even have a pet and I don't think I want one.

I'm even considering buying a house but my depressed self tells me, "what do you need a house for? It's just your lonely self that's going to be living in it!"

I'm currently on Pristiq, 50 mg, but the more I research, the more I want off this and all drugs. I feel like the drug is making me lose my memory and I have trouble coming up with the right word sometimes. Anyone have experience getting off Pristiq? It's a hard medication to taper off of because the pill only comes in 50 & 100 mg's.

Thanks for reading.

[Thunder Bow]

People who have children and are married can be lonely too. Being that way, lonely ness is even worse for them. Forget that reason for finding well being.

You are very intelligent, and that is one reason why your living alone. Stop being hard on yourself. What happened during your childhood does not apply for today.

In reality, you are comfortable living alone. Go for it, and buy a house for yourself and take care of yourself. You just might find, someone special may want to move in with you, if you do.