[blind archer]

obviously if i had told this to anyone else where i am everyone will think im stupid or just pretending

but this question has been bugging me badly since many years

i have been taking antidepressants for a couple of weeks as i realised that i do need to get checked for it as i show all the symptoms but one of them in a very different way

as much as i know by being here for some time depression has effects on a person making him seem sad, uninterested, stuff etc to other people

but i smile, laugh a lot AND i dont think i have ever felt happy for as long as i can remember
i smile when i see a friend but i feel nothing different inside
i laugh when i hear a good joke or even when i dont understand the joke but i dont feel anything ... i think
these facial expression seem automatic and disconnected with me
i dont know what happiness feels like or if i have felt it before
i derive no pleasure from any activity yet im addicted to movies games and stuff

this realisation came to me a long time before i even knew as much about depression as i do now, when i was just a kid

no matter how big my achivement is i feel nothing inside YET i cant stop looking happy

thats why its hard for me to make others believe im depressed and stuff

is there anything i should know? am i missing something?

[Alter]

I do the same, even when you are depressed you still laugh at funny jokes and stuff being depressed is not having a sad face all the time, but much of the times i seem happy i do it on purpose its a mask i wear to hide what i feel to everyone, the only ones that know how i feel are the ones i spoke about it and even they can't fully understand my feelings.

Anyway its normal to laugh at jokes or smile when you see a friend someone you like it also happens to me i also don't feel anything inside so i don't know if that is a normal reaction after spending too much time wearing a mask to keep my feelings hidden or if its just simply normal.

[IrisBloom]

Actually, laughing can lift your depression, either just for a minute or a day. I have felt the numbness you mentioned. That's the illness. You are still you in there. With depression you tend to focus inwardly, and some sensations are lessened. I think the fact that you can laugh spontaneously is a very good sign, even if you don't really "feel" happy. As you progress in your treatment, you will feel more normal. It takes time, so be patient with yourself.