Lonely alone

I know theoretically and logically why these feelings are useless to me, but I still am experiencing them, and I need to let them out.
I have been doing alright recently, except for some weird health issues that I won't get into, but otherwise focusing on jobs and keeping busy... Except I've been neglecting social activities. When my dad mentioned that I should be "networking", and jokingly said I should stop being such a homebody, not meaning me harm, I started to cry. I couldn't bear the thought of trying to rekindle old acquaintances.
I have only had a spare few close friends in my life, and it seems they have dispersed, and moved on as I have stayed behind... I still keep up with two or three, but mostly I'm by myself, or with my family. I feel very old, like my youth is being wasted, and I see myself turning into a busybody housecleaning cooking person with nothing else in my life. I want friends, but I am so afraid. I feel I have nothing to offer them, and the light acquaintances I may have wanted at one time to continue, have always been with people out of my league.
I know this is a pity party. I'm sad. It's a rant. But really, a lot of the time I just don't love myself enough to want to inflict my person on others. I just ended a long friendship, and it turned out to be not what i thought it was, which has made me question whether I am capable of being a friend to anyone. I fear it is all my fault, for being a doormat and clinging and deluding myself into believing our friendship was something more.
I want to be happy. I try to be happy for the kids I work with, but when I come home I feel sad and empty. I'm sorry.

You might want to invite a Therapist to your "Pity Party". Talking all this out with someone will help. You seem ready to do just that!

hi, I am sorry to hear from you. You know things are all the time changing with their perspectives, like you, your age, your friends, your family members and all other jobs you are doing today will change with time. you cannot stop ' change'. Be part of it. Stop looking for happiness. Stop your self from feeling lonely. loneliness is not with the persons who live alone- it is very much subjective. Some people feel lonely in the company of thousand friends. So do concentrate on big aims to keep your mind busy and make it more creative. Feel happy on little incidents. The best advice is not to stop yourself from looking for a solution. You will find one, one day. Trust me.
Cheers!