[Jenni855]

My colleague/friend is a very troubled and complex person. Her best friend is her world and when they fall out, she comes into work crying. She has done this every day this week and also admitted she hasn't eaten, smoked a load of cigarettes and doesn't get up out of bed until 1.15PM (She doesn't work mornings). She has accused a fellow colleague of harrassing her even though this woman has only been phoning her for work related reasons and not even that often by the sounds of it. She has many issues with various other colleagues and is highly, highly sensitive and reads far too much into issues that others wouldn't think twice about. She admits she needs help mentally but it didn't stop it hurting when she said today that she thinks I 'snap' at her at times. I definitely haven't and am so shy it just wouldn't occur. I checked with my other colleagues and they said definitely not and that they have never once heard me snap at H (colleague.) So I now feel quite hurt and like I have to walk on eggshells around her. I know she is ill but it seems she is blaming everyone else and it has now made me paranoid. I wont bring it up with her as I know from experience, it will lead to screaming, crying and suicidal threats so what should I do now? I am only human and it is like she expects me and everyone around her to be perfect. I dont see why I should get these unfair comments thrown my way and like I say, she is the same with my other colleagues. It drains me. What to do now?

[Angelique67]

Why not just ask when she thinks you've ever snapped at her? I think it's counterproductive to tiptoe around her. Some honesty could help.

It's not your problem.

I don't mean to sound flippant. And no, it's not fair. But she clearly has her own problems that are not related to you or your fellow colleagues.

[Jenni855]

Angelique, to be honest, it will only upset me more and give her more scope to tell me all about her perceived versions of my bad behaviours. Sophiesmom, I think you are right and not just because you are agreeing with me but because it makes sense.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Jenni, I'm really not wanting to be insensitive to her but I'm thinking that at those times she just isn't "fit for work". Not only in the sense of carrying out her job but it sounds like the "stresses" of work really aren't helping her either............so maybe some time off sick to get some real help e.g. through her doctor???
I don't know whether you'd feel able to sit down with her and try to sensitively support her in taking/suggesting that route or you think talking to a manager would be best, but she certainly needs more help than you or your colleagues are able to give her, and that's not a bad reflection on you at all. It's just from what you've said including the thin line between "screaming, crying and suicidal threats" then it sounds like she may need professional help or at least something more in the way of "experienced" support, right now. And she has admitted she needs help hasn't she?
And please don't take the way she's behaved towards you personally, it sounds like she's really hurting right now, and sometimes it's unavoidable that others are going to get caught in the "crossfire" that doesn't need to mean that you or she is to blame. The most important thing is that she gets the help she needs.

Alison

[Jenni855]

Thanks Alison. I definitely agree she needs more help then I can give. She tells me she gets drunk every night, sleeps in till 1.15PM and doesn't eat all day. She is always crying and on the verge of crying when I see her and admits in her words that she is 'messed up.'
Thanks for reassuring me that i am not just being cold here and that it isn't my fault. You have helped me get some perspective on it and i will try and stop taking it personally.

[Thunder Bow]

Do not get "Hooked" by her, and do not Rescue her from her troubles.

[Jenni855]

What do you mean by hooked? Believe me, I have been around enough troubled people who won't accept they have issues in order to know how to protect myself x