[pkey]

I've done nothing in my life to elicit worthiness. All of the accomplishments that I've had were just because I was following a path; following my interests because I was drawn to them (I didn't really choose my interests, I was led to them somehow and I follow them because that's the easiest thing to do), doing the homework because my professors said so etc... Despite the fact that I earn very high marks and have tons of real life work experience in my field already. But it's almost like I didn't "choose" any of that. I am very happy about how it worked out, but I feel like I was just following a path and don't deserve any credit. Now that I have more than one difficult and time-consuming projects that are due in the next few days, I find that I can't concentrate. I feel like I should talk to someone, but nobody should have to hear me complain. I haven't earned the right to complain because I'm passive and haven't done anything proactive to get me where I am now.

Words of encouragement would be welcome.
Thanks so much,
Pkey

[Hables]

We all feel that independence is, fundamentally, a human impossibility.

You have demonstrated strength simply by acknowledging and expressing concern for your perceived "lack of freedom". Many do not even consider acknowledgement of their "lack of freedom" a possibility.

I can PROMISE you, my friend, that although you may feel passive, you are not - for you have recognised that natural passivity as an undesirable quality; and, unfortunately, pain often accompanies self-understanding.

Consequently, I would say that you are more proactive than most.

Hang in there, friend. You'll find the key to the exit eventually, as long as you keep your eyes open - even if it hurts. I promise you.

[Slamjammer]

Our "worthiness" ... or self- worth, is defined by what we accomplished...what we created and contributed to society in a positive way; not by what compelled or guided us in the first place.

Michaelangelo is remembered for his Cistine Chapel ( and many other works) ...not for his religiosity.

[pkey]

Hables,

Thank you so much for your post. I feel like I am faced with a challenge that is testing my mental strength just as much as my intellect. It is just so painful to keep standing and fighting all of the time, but I'm too stubborn to give in. Giving up would be the worst thing I could do; I can't imagine the shame and embarrassment that I would feel if I did - because I know that I can do this. It's almost as if the only alternative to giving up is standing and watching the punches as they come in. I would so much like to avoid the pain, but the only way to do that would be to back out of the fight 100%, which is not what I want.

One of my friends commented on how tough my situation is right now (before I told her any details). That encounter and your post are helping me through the weekend. I think I will truly be a magician if I can finish these projects haha. Somehow, though, I will trudge through and do my best.

Slamjammer, thanks for that. It's interesting because I feel that there is a lot of pressure on successful people (or people who have enjoyed a taste of success) to be bulletproof all of the time. I guess when history looks back 100+ years later, it only remembers a person's heights and strengths rather than all of the little details about their lives.

Thank you guys,
pkey

[Slamjammer]

>>I guess when history looks back 100+ years later, it only remembers a person's heights and strengths rather than all the little details <<

History doesn't forget the details....just puts them into perspective. Thomas Edison is another good example for inventing the light bulb. History hasn't forgotten his many failed attempts, but looks at them as necessary stepping stones to eventual success. He was learning what did NOT work. His eventual success overshadowed his many failures.

[cool09]

I've done nothing in my life to elicit worthiness.

If you excel at something you have to go for it because life only offers you less than a handful of chances. Some people are not even handed one chance in life. It's very hard to make it in the USA. You have to excel when you are young because when you reach 40-50 yrs. the odds are against you unless you are exceptionally energetic, sharp and well-tempered. And the fact that teachers took an interest in you proves that you are worthy. I went to a large University and not one teacher ever knew who I was or that I existed.

[mountain human]

Some worthwhile videos on Youtube about self-compassion...check them out

You're overthinking this. I can relate but that just makes me see it better, doesn't make it any easier to find words to help.