[whitecrosses]

I have finally moved out of my mother's... and the stress is getting more easily manageable.. yet, I still want to die. Why? Why can I not be sober for more than two to three days tops?.. I am falling so deep into this painful reality. I haven't posted on here in so long because I know no one cares. I am a selfish, undeserving, useless human being. All I can do is stay high or drunk or something to even get to sleep anymore.... its 6 am and I can not sleep. I would rather die than continue my useless path. I work my *** off, I'm trying to get another job. I still don't have my own car. My depression meds are wrecking my **** even more, I had to quit taking them... My twin flame abandoned me, and it has been a year and I still bleed for them... I just want to end it all.

I feel like cutting....because, **** it.. the booze and pain killers makes me numb

[Altered Moment]

Have you thought seriously about getting clean and sober. Alcohol and pain killers work for awhile but are not a long term solution. They just make it worse.

[WantToGrow]

Whitecrosses, keep reaching out here. Don't go away because you think no one cares. I care for everyone here because they are in pain as am I, and I understand the feeling of not sharing because I think no one wants to hear about it, or they can't handle it and don't know how to respond. It really helps to have a place such as this to cry out to, to let off some pressure so it doesn't fester away inside of you which would be even more dangerous. And writing your thoughts down and hitting the send button can be very cathartic/therapeutic. Spend some time reading others' posts and sending them your hopeful thoughts for them. It really helps to help others and be supportive, take you out of your own misery for some time. Plus, you might figure out a thing or two about yourself in doing so.

I'm hoping you're ok today. Just remember you truly aren't alone and you aren't the only one experiencing pain - you are not alone!