[downup]

hey,

i am not english native speaking so i apologize for the somewhat weird formulations at times.

i was 1 year ago diagnosed with skitzotypical personality-disorder. which i somehow accepted. i definitely have issues coping with longterm friendships and am very suspicious regarding people's intentions. I do art, and ive allways enjoyed being by myself and create stuff, but since everybody else seem to be seeking company of others I feel that's what im supposed to do as well. I manage to go out and be "social", but most of the time I really think to myself "what am I doing here". It feels like im wasting time somehow.

also my mood goes up and down like complety crazy. however i feel it more intense and i feel it more as a "real" feeling when im sad. like im more home in my own body.

i really dont know how to be happy. cus its a split situation all the time. when im choosing myself I feel bad because i let down my friends, and when im with them then most of the time i feel just empty inside.

I cant help but wonder if i wasnt in this society it wouldnt be a problem. doctors kept telling me that the only way to deal with this (since its a personality disorder) is to accept how i feel. but how can i accept what i feel when its allready beeing put in a box as something to treat?

i guess its who I am and i dont really know why im writing this. I guess im just looking for someone who's thinking like me and want to hear how they live their lives with such feelings and thoughts.

i would be very gratefull to hear from someone.

bests

[Altered Moment]

I find accepting myself exactly as I am makes things easier. Even if it doesn't match what society says. I would say be true to your nature unless you feel things are having a negative impact on your life. Its up to you to decide what a negative impact is and not others. Your nature is much larger and more complicated than a label in a box. It can be difficult to sort out. The societal pressures can be enormous.

[Thunder Bow]

Labels are not a good remedy. Get out of the box by dumping the label. With the kind of people you describe in this post, you are wasting your time. You are creative, and approval by others are not important to you. You feel empty, because your friends are empty. Maybe you have a reason to feel sad in that kind of situation. Go with it. Go with your feelings.

[PandaPanda]

Originally Posted by downup

hey,

i am not english native speaking so i apologize for the somewhat weird formulations at times.

i was 1 year ago diagnosed with skitzotypical personality-disorder. which i somehow accepted. i definitely have issues coping with longterm friendships and am very suspicious regarding people's intentions. I do art, and ive allways enjoyed being by myself and create stuff, but since everybody else seem to be seeking company of others I feel that's what im supposed to do as well. I manage to go out and be "social", but most of the time I really think to myself "what am I doing here". It feels like im wasting time somehow.

also my mood goes up and down like complety crazy. however i feel it more intense and i feel it more as a "real" feeling when im sad. like im more home in my own body.

i really dont know how to be happy. cus its a split situation all the time. when im choosing myself I feel bad because i let down my friends, and when im with them then most of the time i feel just empty inside.

I cant help but wonder if i wasnt in this society it wouldnt be a problem. doctors kept telling me that the only way to deal with this (since its a personality disorder) is to accept how i feel. but how can i accept what i feel when its allready beeing put in a box as something to treat?

i guess its who I am and i dont really know why im writing this. I guess im just looking for someone who's thinking like me and want to hear how they live their lives with such feelings and thoughts.

i would be very gratefull to hear from someone.

bests

Thing is, what you're dealing with is a personality disorder, which means the range of treatment is very small. That's why they're telling you to accept how you feel. Of course, that's difficult to hear. I can associate quite a bit with feeling guilty for not spending more time with myself or with friends. I try to just look at my options and say "**** it. I'm doing this one." and not look back. I'm going to feel bad about not taking the other option, but what can be done right? Something's gotta be decided eventually.