[Hedgeleaf]

I can't understand my emotions right now and why I'm so angry, literally furious at my ex.

I ended it a few months back and we've spoken on text but not met up

After a little while when he contacts me I feel myself erupting inside and just getting so angry at him for. I can't even think about him without feeling like this

And when he texts I can't seem to stop myself bombarding him with texts about how angry and upset I am for all the crap he put me through and how much he hurt me even tho I've said it a million times

How can I make myself better

[avlady]

for one thing you shouldn't be texting during this toxic relationship as it is bringing you down. i hope you find someone else who will treat you better.good luck

[Permacultural]

Make yourself better by blocking his number. If you ended it and you don't have any reason to be communicating, and you're definitely not gonna get back together, why deal with the agony?

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf

I can't understand my emotions right now and why I'm so angry, literally furious at my ex.

I ended it a few months back and we've spoken on text but not met up

After a little while when he contacts me I feel myself erupting inside and just getting so angry at him for. I can't even think about him without feeling like this

And when he texts I can't seem to stop myself bombarding him with texts about how angry and upset I am for all the crap he put me through and how much he hurt me even tho I've said it a million times

How can I make myself better

Agreed with Permacultural, if it makes you this upset when he texts and can't stop yourself from communicating with him then block his number.

[Hedgeleaf]

Thank you for your replies

I just don't know why I'm so angry

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf

Thank you for your replies

I just don't know why I'm so angry

Every break-up needs time to heal. You're probably angry for a bunch of reasons. But IMHO that healing process can't begin until the stimulus is no longer there. Each time there is an interaction, it stimulates the anger. As long as his number is on your phone, the stimulus is there. Block the number and begin to heal. At least that's how it has been for me. I couldn't start healing until I made active steps to put him out of my current reality. In your case, it sounds like texting = toxic to your calm.

[Hedgeleaf]

Originally Posted by Permacultural

Every break-up needs time to heal. You're probably angry for a bunch of reasons. But IMHO that healing process can't begin until the stimulus is no longer there. Each time there is an interaction, it stimulates the anger. As long as his number is on your phone, the stimulus is there. Block the number and begin to heal. At least that's how it has been for me. I couldn't start healing until I made active steps to put him out of my current reality. In your case, it sounds like texting = toxic to your calm.

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense.

I'm sorry to hear you had a similar experience. How are you feeling about it now? Has removing the number helped?

I miss the person he was. I think I'm scared to let go as I loved him so much and he's started saying nice things to me about how much he loves me and wants a future (he never said this when we were together)

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf

Thank you, that makes a lot of sense.

I'm sorry to hear you had a similar experience. How are you feeling about it now? Has removing the number helped?

I miss the person he was. I think I'm scared to let go as I loved him so much and he's started saying nice things to me about how much he loves me and wants a future (he never said this when we were together)

Thanks. Now I just think about how it was a mistake, but thoughts of the good times and bad times still bother me. And this was years ago.

Yes, everything is great when they realize they messed up. They'll change. They didn't really mean to act that way and say those things. Then they say anything to get you back. They act so different. And I realized that's exactly what it was--an act.

[Thunder Bow]

Therapy can also help you get to the root of your anger. Some times the anger is rooted to how you related to your father, and other male family members.

[kittyfaye]

I broke off a relationship in April after two years of being with him. He had BPD and it was awful to deal with because he wouldn't get help or take meds. He was abusive physically, emotionally, and verbally. Two weeks before I broke up with him, we had a really bad fight and he wound up yanking me out of my car by my foot and pinning my arm behind my back. But for some reason it took me two weeks to even say I wanted to leave him. I'm still angry with him after 8 months but it has gradually subsided. I cut off all communication with him several months ago. I still have flashbacks and nightmares but like my anger, it has gradually gotten somewhat better.

I would cut off all communication with your ex if I were you. He doesn't sound like he really wants to change. People say they will but a lot of times they really don't. I'm glad I cut my ex out of my life. That relationship was very toxic. I really hope you find a way to release your anger and feel better.

[Hedgeleaf]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

Therapy can also help you get to the root of your anger. Some times the anger is rooted to how you related to your father, and other male family members.

In what way?

I've never had this anger towards and ex before, even my ex husband

Hedgeleaf, to become an ex one must no longer be a part of our lives. That means no communication, no reaching backwards to what ifs and what was. It means no letters, no gifts, no forget something, it means to stop doing things that make you think about them. You have to heal and get better. You will know when you have reached this stage when the name or thought of them makes you feel nothing. After a divorce it takes roughly two years to adjust to being single and your own person again. You have to sift through being a couple to being your own person. And that is friends, activities, associations, just about everything. And as you do it gradually it is not in hateful rash, or haste. I hope this helps. Block the number with the telephone company both ways for 3 months to start with. And refuse all their mail from the USPS. And then do things at different times and new routines. The healing will be magnificent. Blessings.