[agatha9]

As I posted before, this has been a very rough year. I can't think of a single good thing that has happened. I'm completely overwhelmed, depressed and frustrated. It's like I have nerver been happy, like I have never enjoyed my life.

My dog passed away almost a week ago and I'm very very sad about this. I miss him so much. He was like a brother to me, because I'm a single child. And I think I'm really angry, because I keep asking why God created us, what life is all about, what dying feels like, if the dead we love are really still with us in spirit. I have kind of an obsession with all these questions, but now they come much more often. I think the reason for needong all those answers is that I feel like God or life has taken many of the people I loved the most and I feel like I can't go on without them. I need to find a reason to believe that life is not a mean game just for God's fun. And again, I believe I feel like this because I also feel like I have suffered more than I have enjoyed.

In any case, I fear I might break down. I have been severely depressed and I don't want to go through that again. I fear this questions haunting me will drive me crazy, because I know there is not a definite answer. And of course I don't want to lose my mind.

Please, someone help me get through this. Therapy has never worked, because it just makes me think deeper about all of these things that I recognize that are not good for me.

[kaliope]

hi Agatha
I am so sorry about your loss. I understand your questioning. I have been there. I am so familiar with the idea of being trapped in gods game. I held that belief for so many years. I was so lost and angry and hopeless. I was there for so long. but you cant give up on therapy. and you don't mention meds. that is what saved me. I knew I was going to be dead without them so I broke down. the right meds and the right therapist at the right time and my entire life turned around. I haven't felt I was part of gods game for years. I used to think this was all just a cruel sadistic joke he was playing on me for kicks and I don't see it that way anymore. don't give up. try a new avenue.

[Thunder Bow]

Your therapy worked because it made you think deeper about things, and that is what healing is all about.