Why can unpleasant people take center stage in our minds?

On almost any day, the majority of people I interact with are anywhere from decent to pleasant. What puzzles me is that the one rude or mean person out of a whole day of great people, is the one that I end up thinking about the most.

I don't understand why the one person who hurts my feelings*, is the one who I pay all the attention to in my thoughts. Does anyone relate to this or have a theory about what's going on?

*regardless of who it is

I can relate to this. I sometimes wonder if it is those people who actually fear us. Maybe we are the ones who suffer for the inadequacies that they feel - we just have to pay!

I can relate.

It's the strong emotional content of the initial event that makes the person who hurt you come back into your mind. When you're depressed, you have subconsciously stopped deciding what to think and feel and the person who hurt you comes into your mind again and again and again and again and again and you are unable to control it. The bigger the hurt, the more it happens. That's very likely how PTSD works.

- v

The mind will naturally process a bad happening or encounter 1st.. This how the mind heals from the hurt. When one OCD on it, that is when outside intervention will help.

I think you are right, our minds have evolved to keep us safe so when we encounter something nasty we dwell on it, and sometimes dwell rather more than is justified by the event.

Sometimes I get what I deserve and I try to learn from it and move on, sometimes miscommunication is involved and I will be alert for this in future and sometimes someone is just nasty, well sweet bad luck to them, but there is nothing I can do about it, so move on.

I agree that there's something about needing to process or prioritize those negative events. Good insight. It seems instinctual, yet in my case, if I'm around friends and supportive people, I generally stop thinking about whatever awful event sooner than if I'm stuck being alone.

I can relate too.

I feel like 99% of people that know me are good to me, but I tend to focus on the ones that are rude to me.

Dear Joe,

I think you have to work on this aspect on your own since you cannot control the behaviour of other people. If someone is rude or mean, I suggest that you work on your defences so that mal behaviours do not affect your day. I think the best way to deal with such situations is to either ignore such people and their attitudes. Imo, there is no point in carrying the garbage others have flung at you. It is hard but with some focus and perspective, you may be able to deal with it. Good luck!
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