[Saphirawyn47]

It seems like I'm always trapped in my brain alone and no one understands me. I feel like I fell from another planet. The one full of wierdos, crazies, and stupid people.
I just feel lost all the time
https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/i...1EWnHLeXKzNTjA

My youngest son just told my husband that he wanted him to fix him something to eat because "mommy's food sucks." Of course he usually tells me Daddy's food sucks and mine is soooo good. He really hurt my feelings and I kicked him and everyone else out of the room, closed the door and turned off the light. I just want to be left alone now.

I just really hate myself most of the time. Except those "special" occasions I believe I'm the greatest, can do no wrong, too intelligent for my husband and general society just doesn't get what I get so easily.

I was taking a borderline personality test and looks like I might be. That upsets me as well. My parents caused that. They divorced when I was 9 and my whole life since then has been a rollercoaster. My father died in 08. I'm still not over it. Mother still alive and still ignoring me.
I never do anything right or good enough.

Will I ever escape my brain? Will it torment me for the rest of my life. Will I always be mad about my childhood and the rape? Will I ever give my husband a chance. I hate sex and he loves it. He "needs" it. I could care less if I ever did again. Feel like I've done my time as a toy for men. do I have to get really old and fat so my husband will let me sleep in the bed alone? I'm sick of sleeping with him or anyone. But, he get's mad if I don't sleep with him. Then, "we are roommates, not like a real married couple." I hate being touched when I'm in bed sometimes I hate being touched at all, even by my kids lately.
Here I go ramblin on again.......
I hate myself and my life!

I am so sorry for how you feel...and don't worry, talking things out is good.

Are you seeing a therapist to help you with these feelings? You have a lot to work through.

Perhaps your son was having a bad day or is too young to learn to be tactful...either way it can be a small thing that sends us over the edge and bad day.

[aprengo]

Don't forget to breath and keep trying

Best Regards

[CapedCrusader]

Originally Posted by Saphirawyn47

I hate myself and my life!

Hello Miss, it's gonna be temporary. It may last for a minute, an hour, or even a year. But eventually it will subside. It's up to you to understand your children/husband. Someday, they're gonna realize that Mommy is still the best. Where would I without my Mom? What would I do? Where's Mommy? Someone hurts them and then they go directly to Mommy.

It's like finding a VPN provider so go directly to Ironsocket!

Cheers Mom. Don't hate your life. Someday, it's gonna be okay! And don't forget to smile.

[CaptainChaos79]

First I would not get too worked up over a Borderline Personality test unless said test was given by a licensed psychologist. Under the right set of circumstances just about anyone could qualify as Borderline and that's real. Second, if you drink heavily or abuse any type of medication, it is not professionally responsible for a therapist or psychologist to make any definite diagnosis particularly any related to personality disorders. If I were you I would see a therapist and be as honest as possible. Just beware of anyone who is to eager to tell you that you have much more than a mood disorder like depression or bipolar and maybe and anxiety issue that needs addressed