Coping...Have BPD and now recent breakup

I lost my significant other due to the angry behavior from my Borderline Personality Disorder. I have just begun getting treatment and have fully accepted my BPD.
Now I am looking back without the anger and realize what she went through and feel such blame, guilt and regret. I just lost the best woman I've ever had in my life. The resulting damages from my angry behavior (NOT Physical) are so bad that there is legal measures to prevent our speaking. Needless to say..no hope for a reconciliation.

Any suggestions for dealing with my current "awakening" in realizing all the damages I caused and the relationship lost from my angry behavior?

Thank you for reading.

Instead of blaming yourself for what happened and feeling down, try to focus on improving your behavior, so that BPD can never affect your life like this again. Losing your spouse is not a positive thing but an "awakening" normally is and this could be your chance to get treatment and become happier than ever because of it. Do not lose sight of that

You might have accepted the dx of BPD, but you are still in the BPD mode, so you will have to make a lot of progress in your treatment.

"I just lost the best woman I've ever had in my life." is a BPD-ish statement. Do you understand why it is so? I am asking because I do not know how much education about the BPD you have received.

It so is. I've said the same many times in my life before I figured that out....well caught HB....well caught. Hopefully, soon...the OP will see that and feel better within themselves...that's the first step to living with and learning from BPD.