[Shybeautysimslover]

I'm 15 years old, and I'm a sophomore in high school. In my 4th period odd day classes there is this boy who keeps making fun of my appearance. He keeps calling me ugly, you look like a man, you have a big forehead,etc. The thing is nobody have ever comment on my appearance so furiously. Even though I went through some type of bullying in the 6th grade where I got made fun of basically everything and when I try to be nice to people even the ones that are mean to me they're mean back. Anyways, this guy is very rude to everyone, make fun of them, he is very ignorant about a lot of topics, etc. Everyone in the class tries to be nice to him to avoid from getting made fun of. I am sick and tired of being nice to mean people. The teacher send him to the office a lot of times, the teacher had talk to me with problems with him but he didn't make the situation any better by sitting me next to him. Sometimes I really would like to slap him one good time for him to shut up, but i know it's not the right thing to do. It's so hard ignoring him and I'm not good at comebacks :P
I'm usually shy and quiet but I don't want to say/do something I regret doing in school. I'm currently in winter break but i go back to school on an odd day and I hate odd days because of that specific class. What do I do?

My best advice would be to ignore him. I've heard that's one of the few things that people like that don't know how to deal with.

[wolfgaze]

Hi Shy....

It's important to recognize that this individual must be hurting inside to be acting out in this manner and treating others in such a disrespectful and antisocial manner. Sometimes when individuals are experiencing painful emotions, they don't know how to cope with them and process them in a healthy manner - so they engage in negative behavior such as picking on others and trying to get others to experience similar emotions that they themselves are struggling with. It's not an excuse for his behavior, just an unhealthy coping mechanism. By internalizing the awareness that this individual has 'issues' and must be struggling/hurting in some manner - you can try to develop subtle feelings of sympathy/empathy for him - and this will help you diffuse the emotions of anger & frustration that might otherwise surface due to his behavior towards you.

Please don't take what he says to you personally (I know that's a challenge in and of itself). His insults are merely an attempt to get under your skin - and not an accurate reflection of how others view you nor how you should view yourself. Generally speaking, physical appearances are superficial and our society is very misguided in encouraging individuals to place so much value on external appearances. We are all going to grow old and leave these physical bodies behind one day so there is no sense in growing too attached to them - you know? The real value lies within you and is expressed through your character attributes and your ability to exemplify and express love, forgiveness, kindness, empathy, selflessness, integrity, etc. Don't let anyone ever try to convince you otherwise.

If you try to engage in making 'comebacks' to this individual you will be playing his 'game' and that type of response will likely only provoke him into continuing his behavior. Due your best to avoid/ignore him as best you can. Look at it as a challenge and remind yourself that his words/insults are empty and meaningless because they are only a product of his attempt to elicit a response from you and a reflection of his unhealthy internal situation. If you struggle with doing this other things you can do is ask the teacher in private to have your seat changed so that you no longer sit in the vicinity of this individual. I don't see why a teacher would not be open to taking this course of action having knowledge of what's going on. If the teacher is unresponsive and you feel this enviroment is affecting your ability to concentrate in class - consider consulting with a Guidance Counselor at your school, someone who can intervene on your behalf and help resolve the situation.

Hang in there. You'll get through this challenge in your life.

[gayleggg]

I know ignoring him is not easy but it is necessary. The problem is within him not you.

I don't know what it is that makes people act like that but I've seen it. When I was in school it was my freckles that everyone made fun of and the fact that I was too pale.

Hang in there. Just remember that he is the one with the problem.

[Yoda]

I would complain that he is bullying you because that is what he is doing. Complain to the principal or VP or whoever will listen. He needs to learn self control and if you and the others ignore him he has no incentive to change.

Best of luck.

[Ruminati]

its ugly to call people ugly...but we've all reacted in an improper way when antagonised.

Try to understand the guy/gal...forgive him/her don't let it make you bitter..then that negativity has won.

[musicformyears]

Hello.

I can easily relate to what you are going through. I know it's never nice to be insulted but I just wanted to say that we can never control how people are going to think of us. But over the years, I realised that it doesn't matter how negatively people think about us, how we think about ourselves is all that matters. How you think about yourself affects your self-esteem.

Stay strong and cheer up. I hope that you will not allow negative remarks to define who really are. Remember to remind yourself about how great you are. We all have a beautiful side.

Xoxo,
Grace

[nicoleflynn]

She can't "stay strong and cheer up." She is being bullied and needs help to make it stop.

[A Red Panda]

You could always say "Thank you for sharing, your opinion's been noted so you can stop repeating it now," nice and calmly. Sometimes ignoring things doesn't work, because they really want a reaction and will keep going until they get one. So, give him a reaction that acknowledges him but doesn't give him the reaction he wants - upset emotions from you. So just acknowledge his comment nice and calmly, but don't antagonize him; don't show anger, annoyance, frustration, hurt, sarcasm, nothing. Just nice and calm. He may very well keep on going with new things, just say thanks for sharing.

That said, talk to a school counsellor about it. When there, don't just talk about what he says to you - share that he does this to everyone and that you think he probably needs some help. If your teacher isn't addressing the problem (and for all you know, maybe he is trying to - I teach grade 4 and I never address the problems openly, so often the students who are being upset don't see that I'm trying to solve things... especially as it's often hard to change someone's behaviour immediately) then you can take it ouside of the classroom to other adults in the building. It's not acceptable for this one student to be making the classroom hostile.

Ignore him hon. Each and every human is beautiful in their own right. Who is he to say otherwise?

[Thunder Bow]

He is bullying you, because he feels he can get away with it. It is all about controlling you.

[Ruminati]

give him a hard slap. lol

this is going to sound dumb, because youre in high school but ill bet this idiot likes you. he is attempting to hone in on anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, dont let his ignorance get you down. I think youre looking for belittling comebacks to shut him down. I was never good at comebacks on the spot either, now I'd have to be there to hear what he said..... omg. anyway, you could always say something about his lack of knowledge. ahahaha. you know whats so funny, the same dudes who bully you now will be asking you on dates later on, they did it to me. the best comeback is to not date their weird ***.
the important thing is you know you are not ugly, so who cares what a loud mouth, attention seeker tries to say to embarass you. he also sounds like a troll, and of course "dont feed the troll", meaning ignore his attention seeking behavior.
YOU COULD ALSO try to ask him whats his problem.

[Ruminati]

just don't respond. (I didn't mean it when I said give him a slap...thought i'd better clarify that)

[Zippo]

I was called ugly a lot in school by both girls and boys. I'd walk down the hall and they'd bark at me. There was something vulnerable about me, I was shy and that made me a target, they knew I wouldn't retaliate and would probably just believe them. I'm 48 now and I've always thought I was ugly because I was too young to know otherwise then so it became part of me. I see pictures of myself as a kid now. I wasn't ugly. It's hard to be ugly. Eyes, nose, mouth, I had the required features. I was no beauty, just average, not disfigured, not obese, certainly not ugly, but I was vulnerable and sensitive and they picked up on that. I still feel ugly. These nasty morons did so much harm to me and I was too ashamed to respond. Nowadays bullying is an issue that is brought up in the media and no longer condoned and schools try to deal with it. In my day the teachers were just as bad as the kids so you wouldn't go to them. I was mercilessly bullied by two of my teachers and maybe that's where the kids picked it up from. Times are changing and schools try to help now, I've heard. Talk to a counsellor if you have one at school. I wish I could have. And I like the comment someone had to just say "Thanks for sharing" every time. Somehow it would feel better than just looking at the floor and walking away demoralized. It would have made me feel more in control.

[Shybeautysimslover]

Thanks for all your help, I will certainly try some of these.

[Angelique67]

What I did once was pick something about the kid that was bullying me and say how strange and stupid it was. It definitely got under his skin. They're pulling some sort of power trip at your expense, they can't do that if you make them feel ugly or weird too.

[Ruminati]

yeah well theres a certain satisfaction in retaliating but can you fight fire with fire?

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Ruminati

yeah well theres a certain satisfaction in retaliating but can you fight fire with fire?

Sometimes. It isn't likely to make certain opponents stop, but you can give back some of the misery. If you went through it, you'd understand. For me, middle school was the nightmare. When I look back on these times I marvel that I lived through it.

[SeekerOfLife]

I would ignore him, AND report him to the principal. He feels powerful cuz he gets away with it.

[Ruminati]

Originally Posted by Angelique67

Sometimes. It isn't likely to make certain opponents stop, but you can give back some of the misery. If you went through it, you'd understand. For me, middle school was the nightmare. When I look back on these times I marvel that I lived through it.

I try not to look back. I've had trauma too.

BTW i'm not saying that I manage to never react when provoked. Sometimes I throw a tantrum or 3 especially if hormonal... But I feel defeated when I loose poise/control and the inner ***** bites someone.

Tell your parents and have them set up a meeting with the teacher and find out why this boy is aloud to keep bullying you and others .

[Angelique67]

Originally Posted by Ruminati

I try not to look back. I've had trauma too.

BTW i'm not saying that I manage to never react when provoked. Sometimes I throw a tantrum or 3 especially if hormonal... But I feel defeated when I loose poise/control and the inner ***** bites someone.

I'm sorry you feel worse when you stand up for yourself.

[Heart Pajamas]

I can relate to those of you who were called ugly in school, and I know it can be a very hard problem to solve. I, too, look back at pictures and realize that I was actually a reasonably attractive girl, but because I was painfully shy, had acne, and didn't dress in the latest styles, I was considered an easy target.

What really hurt was that my middle school guidance counselor told me (right in front of the two boys who were harassing me) that I was an easy target. For the rest of 8th grade, I got called "Target."

Op...Although some adults won't listen or will try to turn it around on you, I advise you to talk to someone in charge (principal, counselor)--or even get an intimidating family member to do it so that *someone* listens.

This doesn't always work, but my tough older sister used to come to my school when I was getting out for the day, and she'd usually corner and threaten my bullies, saying that if they so much as looked at me (her little sister) again, she was going to beat their *****. That usually worked, although violence isn't the best answer.

OP, I would have your parents talk to your teacher if your teacher refuses to change your seat. I understand that in "the real world" you will have to work with people you don't like (usually teachers give that excuse for making you work with bullies), but you can counter that excuse (if given) by saying that "in the real world" you can follow lawsuits for harassment or can quit jobs, but you can't legally quit school--and it's unreasonable to change classes, but if that's what it comes down to, do it. It's your life and your mental wellness. You don't need this, because let me tell you--I am 34 years old and thoughts of middle and high school still haunt me.

It is only recently that I look back and wish I only looked as I did then (now I'm very overweight).

Try to ignore him and realize that true beauty is on the inside. Still, it is impossible to completely ignore someone who is always harassing you, so take as much action as you can to get away from the creep.

Good luck <3

Originally Posted by Zippo

I was called ugly a lot in school by both girls and boys. I'd walk down the hall and they'd bark at me. There was something vulnerable about me, I was shy and that made me a target, they knew I wouldn't retaliate and would probably just believe them. I'm 48 now and I've always thought I was ugly because I was too young to know otherwise then so it became part of me. I see pictures of myself as a kid now. I wasn't ugly. It's hard to be ugly. Eyes, nose, mouth, I had the required features. I was no beauty, just average, not disfigured, not obese, certainly not ugly, but I was vulnerable and sensitive and they picked up on that. I still feel ugly. These nasty morons did so much harm to me and I was too ashamed to respond. Nowadays bullying is an issue that is brought up in the media and no longer condoned and schools try to deal with it. In my day the teachers were just as bad as the kids so you wouldn't go to them. I was mercilessly bullied by two of my teachers and maybe that's where the kids picked it up from. Times are changing and schools try to help now, I've heard. Talk to a counsellor if you have one at school. I wish I could have. And I like the comment someone had to just say "Thanks for sharing" every time. Somehow it would feel better than just looking at the floor and walking away demoralized. It would have made me feel more in control.

tell him he is ugly too and he should go suck it.

just my opinion. standing up for yourself is so much more empowering and effective than ignoring it.

please do stand up for yourself and dont ignore him. he is an a-hole and needs to be told.